You think sex always looks like the movies? Spoiler alert: it’s not perfect.
When we talk about realistic sex, it’s not something that you’ll see in your favourite porn clip or even in a magazine, because it’s usually the tangled sheets, unexpected laughter, and other messiness.
It’s not a glossy or choreographed version of yourselves, and in this post, we’ll talk about what makes it awkward, sweet, and how to make it more fun.
For now, ditch that scene from the last sexy film you watched, and get ready to make your next session feel as real and as realistic as possible.
What Does Realistic Sex Look Like?
There’s this Reddit discussion about realistic sex, where users shared their experiences to educate someone, and most of them agree that real sex involves sweat, smooching noises, and sometimes, even losing that erection.
It's quite far from what porn looks like, and they even stated that porn usually doesn’t show what happens at the beginning, like the slow cuddling, kissing, and talking, to prepare both partners for the action.
Some users also advise that first-timers should prepare for weird noises too, and don’t forget the aftercare, because putting your and your partner’s sexual well-being first will always make the experience.
It won’t hurt to add some tools to make your experience way better, like sex toys that look and feel so realistic, because of their ergonomic design and heating features.
What Sets Realistic Sex Apart from Fantasies or Erotica?
If you’ve already watched porn and tried having sex with a partner before, then you might find that the things you see don’t really happen for real, but if you’re less experienced, here are pointers that make realistic sex feel different.
Realistic Sex Has Emotions
So, you decided to watch that favorite porn clip you bookmarked on a Saturday night, and you're enjoying it so much. Then suddenly, it starts to feel "empty."
And for what reason?
In realistic sex, there’s passion, and as cheesy as it sounds, there’s love; that’s why it’s called lovemaking too, and everything isn’t about moaning and making exaggerated facial expressions, because in real life, you know the person you’re doing it with.
But if you don’t have a partner to experience how it feels, then going for realistic sex dolls would surely help, or use a toy torso like Sakura to give you an idea about the sensations before doing it with a real person, because this sweetheart feels like a real deal.
There’s More Communication
If you watch a penis and a vulva owner on porn, probably the only chat they have on the entire video is guiding each other on what position they’ll do next.
This won’t work in realistic sex, because in real life, you’re already talking about it before even doing it, and of course, there’s consent.
Pornstars also don’t care, and they’ll just do what they want to their partner; it doesn’t matter if their partner enjoys it or not, but in realistic sex, people can say what they like and what they don’t, and as stated in Help Guide, boundaries keep the relationship balanced, healthy, and enhance self-respect for both partners.
Each Body is Different
Nope, not all penis owners have an 8-inch junk down there, and not all vulva owners have a double D cup size.
The perfect and sculpted bodies are usually portrayed in porn, but each body is unique, and if you look in the mirror and see yourself differently from them, that doesn’t mean you’re not as hella sexy.
Another thing is body hair, and because most porn actors and actresses are shaved or waxed, some people might get surprised if they encounter a bush down there. But hey, real people have body hair, so no one should be pressured to change it in any way, and remember, your body doesn’t have to look perfect to be wanted, and you can use toys to amplify it.
For example, if you’re on the smaller side, you can use male masturbators to increase pleasure, or you can use nipple toys, because having a small or big rack won’t matter as long as you know how to play with them.
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Noises and Dirty Talk Can Vary
Ever watched a low-quality porn video, where there’s a lot of things going on, and there’s moaning, dirty talking, fake fluids, and all?
Most moans and noises you hear on porn are an act, and during realistic sex, some people enjoy letting their voices out, while some prefer just to stay still and be silent, but not getting a reaction doesn't mean they’re not enjoying it; it’s just how they do things.
And it’s always better to react naturally and never fake it, because responding to your partner this way means you respect them (and it’s less cringey).
Some people love dirty talk during realistic sex, and for others, it’s not really their cup of tea; that’s why you should talk about the deed to set boundaries and check if everyone’s on the same page.
Related: First-Time Sex Doesn’t Have to Be Awkward or Painful
Violence Shouldn’t Happen During Realistic Sex
When you get down with a partner, and you feel like something is off, then it’s best to stop, because violence has no place in realistic sex.
You might have a kink to get spit on, choked, gagged, or even let your partner cum on your face, and it’s alright, as long as there’s consent and you’re strict about each other’s boundaries.
If you’ve experienced any sexual force or threats, tell someone you trust as soon as you can, and ask them to go with you to the nearest hospital or police station. According to Health Direct, they can help you get emergency contraception, an STI test, or psychological support if needed.
Vulva Owners Don’t Always Orgasm via Penetration
That vulva owner you last saw on that porn video, making noises like they’ve reached the peak of the Big O while being penetrated?
This isn’t something that can immediately happen during realistic sex, and most of the time, vulva owners can’t finish until their partners give them some clitoral stimulation.
The giver can also play with their nipples and other yummy spots to help a vulva owner reach their peak, and yes, we hear you, realistic sex can take a lot of work, but it’s super worth it.
Most Vulva Owners Also Can’t Squirt
If you have a partner with a vulva, don’t expect that everything will go as you planned during realistic sex, and squirting might not be as common as you think, so don’t fret if you can’t make your partner squirt, because that doesn’t mean that they don’t enjoy it.
But if you’d like to let them experience that awesomeness, then giving their G-spot some lovely massages can help, and to do that much more effectively, you can go for G-spot stimulators to help you reach and nudge it without effort.
Realistic Sex Can Be Awkward (And Feel Nasty)
When having sex with a partner, a lot of things can happen, and this includes smelling something gross because someone farted, or a disappointing performance that makes both partners blush.
Sex can be pretty awkward, especially the first time, and weird little moments happen all the time, and honestly, that’s part of what makes it fun! Just laugh it off and enjoy, and who knows? Your awkward session might be the icebreaker that you've been looking for to help you and your partner know each other better.
Majority of Receivers Don’t Like Big Junk
Trust us when we say this: most people who receive vaginally and anally aren’t fans of well-endowed cocks.
Some people say bigger size matters, but in realistic sex, being too big can hurt, and sometimes, it can be huge enough to cause injuries, especially if the couple didn’t use any lube, so it’s much safer to say that size that fits is perfect, rather than bigger is always better, when it comes to realistic sex.
Foreplay is Experimental
When it comes to foreplay, there’s no absolute move. It can include kissing, touching, and penetration, but your partner’s preferences and reactions will always be the judge.
That’s the fun part, and honestly, the "figuring each other out" as you go, and what works for one person might not work for another, so it’s all about paying attention and trying what feels right for both of you.
Honestly, that's what makes it cool, because there are plenty of ways to explore. Oral sex and fingering can absolutely count as sex, and some people may also enjoy anal, depending on their preferences, and the key is to be more open and pay attention to what feels good for both of you.
The Use of Protection Will Always be Necessary
When you see actors getting down in the movies, you might notice that they’ve skipped using any barrier and just dive fully into it, but most of the time, this doesn’t apply to realistic sex.
But that also doesn’t mean that people won’t allow you to have sex with them without any protection, yet most are cautious, unless they’re nuts.
If you have multiple partners, using protection can keep HIV, STIs, and pregnancy at bay, and if you prefer the use of condoms and someone took it off midway without your permission, then you can consider that a form of sexual assault.
When you or your partner are scrambling for condoms in the drawer or rushing out to buy some, that’s about as real as it gets.
FAQs
Is realistic sex always passionate and intense?
Not really. Sometimes it’s passionate, sometimes it’s slow, and there are times it’s just two people figuring things out together.
Can we consider it good sex if it lasts a long time?
No. Great sex is not measured by the clock, because what matters more is whether both people feel connected, comfortable, and satisfied.
Do all sexual experiences have to end in orgasm?
They don’t, but sure, orgasms feel awesome, but that’s not the only thing that makes sex feel so good, because the skin-to-skin contact and the shared moment count as well.
Realistic Sex is Messy, Honest, and Way More Human Than You Think
During realistic sex, things shouldn’t always be done right, because it’s all about the connection, comfort, and communication of both of you. Being okay with the fact that intimacy can get a little awkward sometimes will make you more comfortable with a not-so-perfect performance. And the more sex feels natural, the more fun it becomes.
As long as your intimacy comes from trust and truth, you’ll be fine, and it’s way better than chasing perfection and the overpolished version of sex, so focus on stuff that really matters, but if you want to make your experience more real and rewarding, then you can browse BeYourLover’s collection of sex toys, which are designed to make you feel good, authentic, and confident, so you can just enjoy the realistic version of sex your way.
Special Thanks:
Sheldon Reid - Staff Writer - Help Guide
If you’re ready to make your next sexy session way hotter and more realistic, then you’d better check these guides for Better Dirty Sex, Foreplay Ideas, and Dirty Talking for Dominants.
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