Is Fingering Yourself Normal: A Guide to Self-Exploration

Fingering yourself is more normal than you think, but the question is how normal?

You touched yourself, and you suddenly realized it felt good, but then your conscience suddenly jumped in to judge you, saying:

“You dirty, dirty person.”

“You have sinned, now God will smite you.” 

“You're not a virgin anymore, enjoy dying alone with fourteen cats.”

But the thing is nobody talks about this openly because of the wide social stigma on this, but if you want to widen your horizon to figure out what other normal people and science say about this, read on.

Why Is Fingering Normal?

Fingering yourself is a common, safe way to touch yourself. It is the act of using your finger(s) to touch the vulva, vagina, or anus, either alone or with a partner. 

The Cleveland Clinic calls masturbation "a normal, healthy part of your sexual development." 

Planned Parenthood puts it even more plainly: it's "totally healthy, and totally normal." That's two major health groups, not two randos in a comment thread.

Also, most people do this. One widely shared U.S. survey found that 94% of men and 85% of women said they had masturbated, as reported by Diabetes.co.uk. Sit with that for a second. If close to 9 out of 10 adults do something, "sinful" or “abnormal” is just the wrong word for it.

And those numbers who haven’t masturbated or fingered are likely low. As you can see, the data is clear: people actually admit it on sex surveys. Also, you can’t really tell if those people who didn’t admit really didn’t do it. 

If asked this kind of question, there’s a huge possibility for some people to feel ashamed, judged, or embarrassed so they or under-report it. Therefore, the real number is probably higher than what's on paper.

So if you finger yourself, you are in the same group as millions of other people who do the same thing each day, in silence, also wondering if this is normal.

“Girl, go for it. It won’t hurt, it won’t get stuck. It may feel weird at first but masturbation is completely natural and nothing to be scared of.” - Best-Watercress-8887

Related: How to Finger Yourself: 8 Techniques for a Toe-Curling Orgasm

If It Is Normal, Then Why Does It Feel So Sinful?

The shame, fear, and guilt are the ones that are not normal, but just normalized because of:

Culture and religion

Some homes, schools, or faith groups treat any sex talk as “dirty.” This alone can make you feel that exploring yourself is a sin or a dirty secret you have to take in your grave.

Lack of sex education 

Many of us never had real, clear lessons about our own bodies. When no one teaches you, your mind fills the gap with fear.

Double standard

Penis owners are often told boys always masturbate, and it’s normal. Meanwhile, vulva owners are told good girls do not touch themselves. The act is the same, but the shame is not.

Does Fingering Offer Any Benefits?

You now know that fingering is normal, but you now wonder if it is worth exploring or if it is safe to do it. I understand the doubt because even if most people are doing it, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is safe or healthy 

Well, most health and sex experts agree that masturbation, which includes fingering, is safe for most people when done with care. Masturbation itself has no harmful side effects and can even have health benefits.

There is no proof that it is bad for your mind or body as long as it is not getting in the way of your life. 

Here are the reasons it’s not a complete waste of time:

Stress relief

Orgasms release feel-good brain chemicals that can help ease stress and help you sleep better.

Body knowledge

Fingering can show you what types of touch feel good or not, which can help you set clear limits with partners later.

Pain relief

Some people say it helps with period cramps or tension pain.

Improved sexual comfort

Knowing your own body first can lead to calmer, more joyful sex with a partner later, if you choose to have it.

How to Finger Yourself Safely and Comfortably

Now that the noise is out of the way, you can freely explore yourself without any guilt. Here are some ways you can finger yourself to make it even feel better and safer:

1. Keep Your Hands Clean

Always wash your hands before you touch your vulva, vagina, or anus. If you want to finger your anus, wash your hands before touching your vulva, vagina, or penis. And if you use toys, treat it the same way as you treat your hands when it comes to hygiene.

Trim long or sharp nails, or use a finger condom or glove if your nails are long, because the last thing you want is to get small cuts, bad smells, or infections.

2. Use Lube If You Need It

Dry skin can make fingering feel rough, or even less enjoyable. Water-based lube can help fingers slide smoothly wherever you want to put it, and cut the risk of tiny tears. A small drop goes a long way, so you don’t need lots of it.

3. Use a sex toy

You can make fingering even better by using a toy instead of a hand. A toy does the hard work for you, so you don’t have to tire out your finger(s) to reach that big O. Modern toys also offer a lot of features that can make your experience even better.

The Angela is one of the simplest toys offered by BeYourLover. Even though it seems to be the simplest, it vibrates in a way that can surpass what your finger can do. If you think the Angela is too simple, you can find toys with more features like suction, smart features, and modes at Beyourlover.com. 

4. Go Slow and Listen To Your Body

You want an orgasm, not a trip to the ER so,

• If you feel sharp pain, stop or slow down.
• If you see blood that is not your period and it keeps going, talk to a doctor.
• If you use more than one finger or go inside the vagina or anus, add more lube and move with care.

Remember, there are multiple ways to finger. You don’t have to go in if it’s uncomfortable. You can achieve the same or even more pleasure by touching your clit or outer lips. 

5. Set Up a Safe, Private Space

Although fingering is normal, it doesn’t mean that you should do it publicly. Exhibitionism is a crime though it can be a yum for some people, but it’s a no-no to do it. And for most people, they prefer doing it in the peace and comfort of their own private space. 

So, choose a time and place where you are not likely to be walked in on. To make it even better, provide a good ambiance, such as soft lights and soft music if they don’t distract you. 

Have your essentials, such as the lube, tissues, or toy, nearby. 

6. Get to Know Your Body

You can start with clothes on, so it feels safer, then move to bare skin when you are ready.

• Touch outer parts first, like the thighs, belly, or hips.
• Move to the vulva, clit, or ass with light strokes.
• Test different movements and angles, like circles, up-and-down, side-to-side, and changes in pressure.

Related: Tips About Fingering For Men and Women

Common Myths About Fingering (And Why They Are Wrong)

Because the talk about fingering is still considered a taboo, it’s so easy to create lots of speculations about it. So it’s important that we should clear this up.

Fingering ruins virginity

The idea of virginity is just another socially created barrier, not a medical fact. Many people say that if your hymen is broken, then you’re not a virgin at all, and fingering does that. But here are the facts:

• Some are born with more hymen tissue, some with less.
• It can be broken from sports, using tampons, or just life, not only sex.
• A doctor cannot prove it if someone has had sex or not.

“Virginity is ultimately a social construct, so there is no hard line to define what "losing" it is.

That being said, the vast majority of people consider it to be some sort of penetrative sexual activity with another person. I don't think anyone would consider any sort of solo activity to qualify.” - GFrohman

Fingering will loosen your vagina

No. The vagina is made of muscle and soft tissue that can stretch and spring back. It does not get used up by fingers or by normal sex. Large births can change muscle tone, but fingering alone does not.

Fingering is a sin

This is a sensitive take because it already involves personal belief. But as for this article, we’ll stick to what science does say and what normal humans usually feel:

• Feeling desire is part of being human.
• Touching your own body in private, with care, does not harm others.
• Many believers actually touch themselves privately
• Different religions and cultures have different take on this, some see it as a sin, some don’t

Video: Clitoral Fingering Techniques

If you like to learn by watching, this YouTube video from Poppy Scarlett gives a calm and clear instructions on how to finger yourself if you have vulva:

FAQ: Common Questions About Fingering Yourself

Is fingering myself normal if I am a teen?

Yes. Many people start to explore their bodies in their teen years or even before. As long as you are safe, private, and doing it the healthy way, it is a normal part of growing up for many. It doesn’t matter what kind of genitalia you have.

How often is “too much”?

There is no set number on how many times you should do it, but the following are the signs you need help:

• It hurts
• It gets in the way of your life
• It makes you feel like you cannot stop even when you want to.

If you are just doing it now and then because you enjoy it or to relax, that is fine.

Can I get pregnant from fingering?

You cannot get pregnant from clean fingers alone. For pregnancy to happen, sperm must get into the vagina and reach an egg. If there is fresh semen on your fingers and you put them inside a vagina, there is a small risk.

So if you have touched semen, wash your hands well before fingering a vagina.

Can I get an STI from fingering?

The risk is lower than with oral, anal, or vaginal sex, but it is not zero. If there are cuts on the skin or if you touch fluids and then broken skin, some infections can spread. 

To lower the risks, make sure to wash your hands before and after, or use gloves or finger condoms if you or your partner have cuts or known infections, better yet, don’t do it at all if any of you has STI.

Is it weird that I do not like fingering?

No. Some people enjoy it, some do not. Some like other types of touch more, such as doing outer rub, using toys, or no sex touch at all. Your body is yours, and you do not need to force yourself to like any act.

Is it okay if I use porn while fingering?

Many people use porn to get turned on. What matters is:

• That you are old enough to view it in your area (check your local laws).
• That it does not shape your view of real sex in harmful ways.
• That it does not become the only way you can feel desire.

You can also use erotica, audio, fanfiction, or just your own mind. There is no one right way.

How do I talk to a partner about fingering?

You can just say it directly. The truth is a good partner appreciates it more if you tell them how they can help you feel good, just reciprocate. If you’re shy to say it through words, you can guide their hand. 

Special Thanks To:

• Cleveland Clinic
• Planned Parenthood
• Diabetes.co.uk  
• Poppy Scarlett - Somatic Sex, Relationship and Non-Monogamous Coach
• Best-Watercress-8887
• GFrohman

Want to learn more? Read our guides to fingering a woman, the best vibrator for beginners, gooning, and masturbation positions for women. 

Want to keep reading?

• Masturbation Techniques for Men
• What Is Dry Humping
• Where to Watch Porn for Women