Here’s the exact reason why your girlfriend hates cunnilingus.
I get it. You love giving oral sex, but your girlfriend doesn’t want you to go down on her.
And every time she says “no,” it’s easy to feel rejected, frustrated, and to wonder if you’ve done something wrong or if she still likes you. You want to feel closer to her, but it feels like she’s pushing you away when she rejects you going down on her.
The truth is that when she says “no” to oral, it doesn’t literally translate to “I don’t love you anymore” or “I’m cheating on you.” There are many reasons why your girl doesn’t want you to go down on her.
In a survey conducted by Bad Girls Bible with 1,058 women, 9.1% did not enjoy receiving oral sex, and 79.4% of these women had at least one negative oral sex experience. I am one of the 9.1%, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love my boyfriend or that I am cheating on him.
You are already awesome for researching this and asking the right questions. You don’t just jump to conclusions; instead, you focus on finding a solution rather than reacting in a negative way. This only proves that you are concerned about your relationship and want it to grow.
As a woman who doesn’t like her man going down on her, I can tell you the possible reasons why I, and even some of my friends, do not like their man’s mouth on them.
7 Possible Reasons Your Girlfriend Is Uncomfortable or Refuses Oral Sex
I can think of six possible reasons why your girlfriend doesn’t want you to go down on her. This is based on my personal experience and some of my BFFs' experiences.
Poor Body Image and Feeling Shameful
A Psychology Today article explains that some people, including women, dislike oral sex due to taste, smell, or other sensory issues. Your girlfriend might be worried that her down there smells or tastes bad. She might also worry that you will see something hideous in there.
Sometimes, we women can feel dirty or unclean even if we’re very clean with ourselves because of upbringing, “fishy-smell” jokes, and personal hygiene products that convince us that we might smell bad down there.
Also, we are aware of the bacteria living rent-free in our vagina. Although they’re good little fellows that keep the bad ones out, we don’t want you getting a taste of them, as we know where you’re going to put your mouth next after you’re done. Yup, you’re going to kiss us later, transferring those bacteria into our mouths. Worse, this can happen if it’s the time of the month when we have our period.
Past Trauma or Negative Sexual Experiences
Sometimes, it’s not that we don’t want you to go down on us; it’s just that it may trigger some bad memories. Some women who have had negative sexual experiences may avoid sex, even oral sex, because of past trauma.
Another reason is that maybe your girlfriend received negative comments from a previous lover about her vagina.
Physical or Health-Related Concerns
If a woman has an STD (yep, sad to say, it might be from another partner, if you don’t have it). Of course, it makes sense that she doesn’t want you going down on her because she knows that it could be transferred to you, and you will figure out how busy she has been with the other guy.
But it doesn’t mean that if your girlfriend refuses you, you should jump to this conclusion immediately. Remember, there are other reasons, not just this one.
Feeling of Discomfort
There are times when the reason some girls don’t want their guys to go down on them is simply because of the feeling itself, and I am one of these girls. I understand that some girls like it, or that they even get off from receiving oral alone, but for someone like me, I don’t like the sloppy or the wet feeling at all.
Lack of Trust and Insecurity
Some of my friends don’t like their men going down on them because they don’t feel safe around them at all. They don’t feel comfortable opening up about sex. They are also afraid of being judged or shamed for wanting or not wanting something when it comes to sex.
It can be because the relationship is still new, or it’s just that they feel uncomfortable talking about sex with them.
Personal Preference
Some women just don’t like it at all. It can be because they feel bored, don’t enjoy it at all, or just don’t get off. I know a friend who fell asleep when her man tried to give her cunnilingus. I’m not saying that what she did is right, but I also understand that my bestie might have given her best to stay awake throughout. However, she admitted to me that she just doesn’t enjoy receiving oral from her man.
Mental State Factors
It may be that your girl feels too vulnerable when she’s at the receiving end of oral sex. I know that there are women who feel that letting their men go down on them makes them feel out of control.
Possible Solutions and Compromises
Here are some things you can do to encourage her to give it a try.
Have Honest and Open Communication With Your Girl
Only your girl can tell you what her problem is. Only she can tell you the reason she doesn’t want you to go down on her. But if you want to know why, make sure to listen to her. Keep your judgment to yourself and validate her feelings and experiences.
If you want a good talk with her, pick a good moment when both of you are in a good mood to talk. Never bring up the issue before, during, or after sex. It should be outside the bedroom.
You can be honest about your feelings by telling her why going down on her feels important to you. Make her understand that it’s not just about giving her pleasure, but also about bonding with her, and this is your way of doing it.
You can ask her questions, such as what her worries or fears are, and make sure to make her feel safe. Also, allow her to set boundaries.
Look for Better Alternatives
Sex doesn’t revolve around oral sex. The beautiful thing about sex is that it’s also an art where you can be creative and find styles and positions that will work for you. You can use your fingers or even sex toys.
You can try the Devil Flower to give her a similar experience without putting your mouth on her. It delivers tongue-licking, sucking, and penetrating sensations that mimic oral touch, giving both pleasure and a way to communicate what feels good without pressure.
Take It Slow
Build your girl’s trust by taking small steps at first. You can start with light touching and less direct tongue contact with the vagina.
Be Comfortable In Each Other’s Bodies
You can try showering together and scrubbing each other’s bodies. Doing this will lessen your girl’s worries about the smell and taste of her vagina.
What If She Still Says No
You did your best and even coaxed her to open up, but she still doesn’t want to tell you the exact reason why she doesn’t want you to go down on her. I know it feels frustrating, but in this situation, you need to respect her boundaries. No means no.
In sex, desires and pleasure should be shared. It’s unfair if only one is on the receiving end. This issue should only be a deal breaker when there’s no respect in the relationship or when communication doesn’t improve.
The world doesn’t end if your girl doesn’t want you to go down on her. You can try exploring other things, such as new sex positions or using other means like your mouth in different ways or a sex toy.
If you want the right sex toy to enhance your intimate experience with your partner, visit BeYourLover today.
Special Thanks To:
David W. Wahl Ph.D., social psychologist and sex researcher
