Men do think about sex. But is the every 7 seconds theory true? Let's investigate.
A Man's Brain on Sex
Trying to settle one of those questions. A question that some folks joke about. How often do men think about sex? Maybe you’ve heard an absurd claim. That they do think about the hanky panky every seven seconds.
It even sounds bizarrely impressive. Until you do the math and realize… That’d mean thinking ‘bout sex more than 8,000 times during their 16 waking hours. Inside a 24 hour window. But that’s not really how a healthy human brain works right?
Some young men think about it 19 times a day. Their female counterparts would have 10 or less sexual thoughts in a day. But this involved college folks. Not a representation of everyone around the planet.
So you can’t really treat number 19 as some kind of personal quota.
How Often Do Men Think About Sex?
A study on this subject was conducted at Ohio State University. 283 college students participated. They were asked to record thoughts about sex, about food or sleep. For a week.
Among the young men tracking sexual thoughts, the average was 19 times in a day. Sounds like a lot. Until you put those beside other basic thoughts. The guys also reported about thinking about food 18 times per day.
Sleep… 11 times. Putting it simply, their brains have room for sex, delicious meals and dozing off. There’s also a huge range. Some of them report few sexual thoughts. Some of them think about sex more frequently.
So if you think about it several times a day, you’re not strange. If you barely think about it, pretty normal as well. No magical number you’re expected to hit.
Sexual Thoughts Every 7 Seconds Myth
Maybe this myth needs a gentle retirement. The every 7 seconds stat was so overplayed. Almost achieving this urban legend status. But the study challenged it. Think about your day for a second.
You have work. You read messages on your phone. Famished, so you think about food. Annoyed by the traffic jam. Bills. In the middle of those, sex would sometimes cross your mind.
But you can see that you’re not spending every waking moment thinking about… Busting a nut or something. Your thoughts about bed aren't always sex-related. And that’s pretty normal.
7 seconds. A popular yet misguided belief. Let this video clear things up for you.
Do Men Really Think About Sex Every 7 Seconds?
What Counts as a Sexual Thought?
A sexual thought doesn’t always mean you’re out there thinking about an elaborate scenario. High production value and all. Might be a fantasy. A memory. Or noticing someone you find attractive.
Remembering stuff you enjoyed. Just simply thinking that you wanna get some sexy action tonight. The research included these: thoughts about sexual activity, erotic images, memories, arousing stimuli (sometimes not even sex-related but triggered arousal)
So when a dude says they thought about sex 19 times within 24 hours, that doesn’t mean they’re some obsessive perv. With very detailed ideas about sex in the middle of a morning walk.
Sometimes those thoughts are just like quick mental blips. A passing thought if you will.
Why Do Some Men Think About Sex More Than Others?
Some guys are having more sexual thoughts than the others. Why? Because men aren’t factory-produced with default, identical settings. Your libido can be influenced by a lot of things.
Your personality. Your relationships, experiences, lifestyle, health condition and general interest in sex. Even someone who thinks about sex a lot might think about it less. Depending on what point in life they're in.
A pretty useful reminder. The Ohio State study revealed that comfort with sexuality’s a helpful indicator. For sexual thoughts regardless of gender. You can be someone with a high sex drive.
Thinking about sex frequently. Or you can be someone who rarely thinks about it. Maybe you're somewhere in the middle of those. None of those make you more or less manly. ‘Cause your sexuality can be nuanced too.
Does Thinking About Sex Mean You Actually Want It?
Here's an important distinction. Sexual thoughts = wanting it right away? Not necessarily. Your brain can have a thought. Without you turning it into an urgent instruction.
You might notice someone and find them attractive. But that attention doesn't make you automatically want to pursue them. Having a fantasy will not always make you want to act that out.
Sometimes, you think about sex because you're really horny. Other times, sex is just a passing thought for you. Your memories. Your curiosity. They can make you think about sex.
Not necessarily calls to pull your thing out.
If you're in a relationship, this is even more worth remembering. Having a sexual thought doesn't mean you don't find your partner attractive anymore. Or you just see them as an object for your pleasure.
Look at your sexual thoughts like this. Your brain gets weird sometimes and it wanders randomly/aimlessly.
Related: Getting Hard: How Many Erections Do Men Have in a Day?
Does Thinking About Sex Mean You Have a High Libido?
Again, not automatically. Your libido is broader than your sexual thoughts status sheet. Your interest in sexual activity, how frequently you want it, how easy it is for you to get aroused. Those can spike, drop or be in a neutral zone.
You can think about sex frequently. Without you actively trying to act out on it. Maybe you don't think about it that much. But you’re so enthusiastic about it. When the opportunities show up in front of you.
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What About Men Who Rarely Think About Sex?
Perfectly fine as well. Every man's wired differently. So the stereotype that men are constantly horny, creates this unnecessary amount of pressure.
So if your sex drive’s lower than it used to be, it doesn't mean something's wrong. Sometimes, it's simply where you are in your life. Your physical, psychological and emotional state. They're factors that can influence your sexual desires.
If a slight or massive drop in libido bothers you, breathe. Approach a healthcare pro. So you can stop diagnosing yourself. Allowing you to escape the trap of self medicating.
Does Age Change How Often Men Think About Sex?
It can. But there's no universal schedule. Sexual interest can change throughout your life. Individual experiences vary. Enormously. Getting older doesn't mean your sexual appetite’s vanishing, getting swallowed by the void.
Just like being young is not a guarantee for constant interest in sex. Your priorities and circumstances. They have major effects on your enthusiasm. So please don't use someone else's libido as a measuring stick for yours.
Why Does the Stereotype Stick Around?
Because to most, it's a wonderfully simple joke. The idea of sex-obsessed men is everywhere. Movies. Ads. Music. Drunk talk. Memes and so on. But real people?
More complex, messier than the stereotype. Sure, the Ohio study revealed guys think more about sex than gals. But they also think about many things like sports, videogames, food etc…
There's a gap between the sexual thought frequency of men and women. But that gap’s fascinatingly smaller than most assumed. Men only think about sex. That's a funny take. Giving you a chuckle.
But not quite an accurate description of actual human beings.
What If You Think About Sex A Lot?
First, don't panic. Having frequent sexual thoughts isn't an automatic sign that says something's wrong with you. As long as those sexual thoughts:
- Don’t interfere with your everyday life
- Aren’t making you respond in unhealthy ways
- Don’t disrupt anybody's comfort and peace
- Aren't crossing/disrespecting boundaries (yours and others)
- Don't violate rules and etiquette
Then, you're probably alright. Your brain is allowed to be horny sometimes. As long as your thoughts are manageable. Compatible with the life you want to live. When do those sexual thoughts become legit concerning?
When they become too disruptive, distressing, difficult to control. Affecting your relationships, your work, sleep and everyday activities. At that point you're gonna need some professional help.
Something deeper, more serious needs to be addressed there. When your thoughts/impulses are getting out of hand (or bring you on the verge), don't ignore ‘em.
How to Have a Healthy Relationship with Your Sexual Thoughts?
You don't need to fight every thought. To fiercely push out that wanders into your head. White knuckling just to suppress ‘em. Notice those things instead. Maybe you're attracted to someone, craving intimacy.
Maybe you're simply turned on. You can acknowledge what happened or what you felt. But also not giving in, impulsively trying to act on it. It's also helpful to ask yourself. What does a thought point to?
Sometimes what you want isn't simply sex. Can't reduce everything to just feeling horny and that's it. Because your sexual activity is not some mechanical stuff. We’re more complex. Definitely not one-dimensional NPCs in our own stories.
You're probably craving affection. Maybe reassurance. Could be relief or excitement. Your sex drive can have layers. Once you understand that, it's gonna be easy to communicate what you’re longing for.
Men's Sexual Thoughts FAQs
Is thinking about sex 19 times a day normal?
That 19 times per day figure came from a certain demographic (college men). Not a universal target. So thinkin’ about sex more or thinkin’ about it less, can still make your frequency sit within that normal variation.
Do men really think about sex more than women?
Usually. Men think about it more than women. But the frequency gap, not as enormous as the stereotype suggests. Researchers also point this out. Individual factors are still important.
What if I think about sex every day?
That's not instantly a problem. There's a difference between everyday and all day. Frequency can't always tell you the full story. Your sexual thoughts are normal as long as they don't affect your life in negative ways.
What if I rarely think about sex?
That can be normal too. Because libido varies between people. And the frequency/level of interest can fluctuate throughout their lives.
Does thinking about sex mean I'm horny?
Sometimes. Not always though. Sexual thoughts can come from different things. They may appear because of attraction. Other times they’d be triggered by memories or your own curiosity.
Can you think about sex too much?
Kind of. But frequency’s not the only issue here. If those thoughts make you feel distressed, please get yourself checked. Intrusive and difficult sexual stuff. Yup. Those are worth looking at.
Does thinking about sex mean I want to cheat?
No. A thought is not an intention. You can notice someone's attractiveness without doing something that would violate your relationship.
Is there a normal number of sexual thoughts for men?
Not really. Research gives you a number about particular groups. There's no daily quota. But if your mind’s obsessing about nothing else but sex, that's when you might need some professional health.
Your Brain Has Other Things Going On Too
So, how often do guys think about sex? Often enough that it's a normal part of life. But not as ridiculous as this stereotypical claim, every 7 seconds. Even your personal number can change from day to day.
No need to compare your libido to another man's. What matters? Understanding your own desires. Enjoying sex that fits your values. Your relationships. Remembering that you're a whole person. Not just a sack of flesh with a sex drive.
Special Thanks:
Kate Sweeney - Web MD
Thinking about sex? Now, you’re wonderin’ how it feels like. Here’s a post for you: What Does Sex Feel Like?
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