Intercourse is a fantastic way to get intimate with your partner. But you can also try an alternate route.
There's More to Sex Than Intercourse
Sexual intimacy. It doesn’t have to follow this same old script every time. This is where outercourse gets interesting. From dry humping to an erotic massage. There’s a wide world of connection waiting for you beyond intercourse.
Maybe you’re looking for some variety. Taking things at a slower pace. Or you’re simply curious about more ways to enjoy your partner’s company. Outercourse offers you pleasure and closeness.
It gives you more room to communicate and experiment. So you can discover another route that feels good as well. Let’s step outside your routine and explore sex without the usual penetration.
What Is Outercourse?
Let’s start with the simple and short way to describe/define it. Sex doesn’t have to mean intercourse. It’s an umbrella term where you get sexually active. In a setting where you don’t participate in anal or vaginal penetration.
Also known as non-penetrative sex. “Not right now” in some circles. Once you look outside of the coital box, you’ll realize how broad the world of intimacy is. Genital rubbing, mutual masturbation or dry humping. They all fall under outercourse.
Some couples enjoy outercourse as an alternative. When health and physical limitations are present. Other folks though, they just pick outercourse to inject some variety into their sex lives. Enjoying a different kind of intimate connection.
You can look at outercourse and intercourse this way…. Two different but enjoyable chapters in the pages of your super sensual book.
Why Do Couples Enjoy Outercourse?
Plenty of reasons out there. Not always about avoiding intercourse. For some, it takes away the pressure. The pressure to perform or reach a particular outcome. For others, variety. It’s a prominent reason.
Because it’s an opportunity to discover different sensations. Spending an intimate time together when intercourse is not too appealing. At that moment at least. Others have legitimate, medical reasons to prefer outercourse.
A condition like vaginismus. It’s also a useful alternative when you’re concerned about pregnancy and STIs. When penetration is not comfortable, desirable or practical, outercourse becomes your go-to.
Even if you have a great intercourse routine, it could feel monotonous at times. So outercourse gives you and your partner a lil’ breathing room. To remind you that closeness is not tied to this in and out script all the time.
Before we dive in, here’s a short video from Vera Chikezie-Oke about outercourse:
Outercourse: The Pathway to Pleasure
8 Types of Outercourse You Can Enjoy
1. Tribbing
Tribbing is when you genital rubbing. Vulva to vulva, external form of sexual contact. No vaginal or anal penetration involved. Even without insertion, this one can still feel intimate. Helping you stay physically connected.
Letting you notice how your partner would respond to each grind and rub. Easy to adjust naturally too. This creates this strong sense of participation. You and your partner are right there. Experiencing pleasure together.
2. Frotting
Frotting is the male counterpart of tribbing. Instead of rubbing vulvas, this involves rubbing the penis to another. No penetration involved. What makes this enjoyable? You can emphasize mutual pleasure.
No clear giver and receiver role. Because you’re both getting pleased. If you enjoy close contact without any type of insertion, frotting’s a great option for you. Same activity. Wonderfully mutual.
Related: What is Frotting? A Guide to This Intimate and Inclusive Sexual Act
3. Mutual Masturbation
Mutual masturbation. Instead of rubbing your privates against each other, you’re gonna be touching yourselves here. At the same time. Watching partners pleasure themselves is such a turn on right.
As a result, you start touching yourself as well. Seeing them reach ecstasy and hearing them moan. Those things help you get aroused and climax too. Even though there’s no direct contact, it feels incredibly intimate.
You’re both naked, vulnerable and horny. Instead of trying to smother each other, the space becomes this hot element as well. You have 2 things here. Intimacy and autonomy at the same time.
4. Intermammary Sex
Boobies! They’re super sexy. Enter intermammary sex. Also known as tittyfucking. In this form of outercourse, the penis owner would be thrusting and rubbing their dick. Against their partner’s breasts or chest.
Usually between the two breasts. What makes this different? More focus on upper body contact. Without losing that affectionate, intimate feeling. Dick gets pleased. Boobs get appreciation too.
So great.
Because it combines closeness and novelty. A fresh way to enjoy sex while keeping intercourse out of the picture.
5. Footjobs and Foot Stimulation
Yes. Feet could play a part in your sex life. If you want your partner to pleasure your genitals with their feet, it gives you a different kind of experience. Compared to intercourse or stimulation from the hands.
Something’s pretty playful about it. A looser grip. Without compromising that feel-good factor. Footjobs and foot stimulation, very nice! Fun ways to explore your preferences that you don’t normally consider.
Just make sure those feet are clean alright?
Related: How to Give A Footjob
6. Dry Humping
This is where you get so passionate. You can’t even wait to get out of your clothes to get sexual. When you’re dry humping, you’re gonna be rubbing your bodies and genitals. While being fully or partially clothed.
It’s playful and spontaneous. An awesome pick if you want to get super close. Without coital contact. Like a comfortable middle ground. Dry humping is a pretty sweet introduction for you as well. If you’re considering outercourse.
Simple. Accessible. No need for elaborate planning. Just you and your partner recognizing each other’s hotness. Even with clothes on.
7. Thigh Sex (Interfermoral Sex)
Interfemoral sex. Yeah. Sounds a lil’ scientific. Let’s simplify it. Thigh sex. How does it work? You rub your genitals on your partner’s thigh. And vice versa. It’s another close form of body to body contact.
Minus penetration. Rubbing is a sexy thing don’t you think? That friction you feel. So awesome! Wonderfully intimate. A lovely alternative to penetrative sex. Even contact with your partner’s other body parts. Still capable of getting you off.
8. Massage and Sensory Play
Massage and sensory play. They move the focus away from your genitals. Inviting the rest of your bodies to participate. You might enjoy a relaxing massage. Letting you experiment with different textures. Or cool and warm sensations.
If you're looking for something erotic, massage and sensory play are fabulous ways to experience them. Not that you’re skipping the penis or vagina entirely. You can actually use them as massagers too.
Slipping back and forth. Grinding your sexy bits on your partner’s back. Ooh wee! While you’re covered in mildly fragrant yet very relaxing oils. That’s a winner kind of sex. Relaxing but still makes you cum.
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Tips to Enhance Your Outercourse Experience
Once you’ve picked something to explore, a few simple habits will make your outercourse session so much better.
Talk first
You don’t really need a formal, uptight negotiation. A simple convo about the things you fancy. And the things you see as off-limits. With clear do’s and don’ts, outercourse is gonna be a more fun and comfortable chapter.
Don’t assume everyone’s enjoying the same thing
Our bodies and preferences. They do have variations. Something that sounds fantastic to you. That may not sound appealing at all to your partner. No matter how gung-ho you feel, ask your partner’s thoughts about something first.
Use lubricant when needed
Sure. There’s no insertion/penetration involved here. But excessive friction can still cause some trouble. To maximize your pleasure, invite your body-safe bottle o’ lube. So irritation won’t get in the way.
Keep things clean
Wash your hands, your feet, your private zones. Your sex toys too. Keep ‘em clean. Disinfect. Sanitize. By doing those, you’re gonna have peace of mind and enjoyment. No funky smells or worries about bacterial/viral stuff hanging around.
Make your space a comfy one
Privacy. Comfortable temperatures. Soft sheets and surfaces. Relaxing music (to get you in the mood). Pay attention to those. Because they do make a big difference. More than you usually expect.
Take your time
No reason for you to be on a speedrun here. Unless you’re actually trying to have a quickie. If not, don’t rush things. Enjoy each minute. Each movement. Being present is a nice build up to a glorious orgasm.
Pay attention to your body
Your sexual pleasure. It shouldn’t come with persistent pain, burning sensations or numbness. If something feels wrong, don’t white-knuckle your way through it. You can stop and reassess. Then adjust accordingly.
A Note on Sexual Health
Outercourse can reduce your anxiety about pregnancy risk. But it still depends on a specific outercourse activity you’re doing. Because there’s still genital, skin-to-skin contact, exchange of your bodily fluids might still occur.
STI concerns do pop up. Also relevant here. Even without the familiar anal or vaginal penetration, your safety still comes first. So use necessary protection even in your low risk acts. Rubber up. Get tested. Have honest conversations.
Your intimate play can still be fun. While taking your health seriously. Because you have that precious peace of mind. Maximizing your enjoyment. Allowing you to be fully present.
Outercourse FAQs
Is outercourse the same as foreplay?
Uhm. Not really. Foreplay is often used to describe sex acts that precede intercourse. While outercourse doesn’t involve intercourse at all. It depends on how you approach or apply it. You can treat it as foreplay. Or you can look at it as your main event.
Can outercourse be a complete sexual experience?
Yes. Outercourse doesn’t require you to do intercourse after. It’s a complete sexual experience on its own. Just like handjobs and clit stimulation. No penetration. But still satisfying.
Does outercourse include oral sex?
Sometimes. You can look at oral sex as foreplay or a standalone act. It depends what outercourse means to you. Others wouldn’t count it as such. Others would. Because it’s still in an umbrella outside coital/anal sex.
Can outercourse lead to orgasm?
It certainly can. Your body responds to different types of stimulation. And orgasms do not require a specific type of sexual activity for you to reach them.
Is outercourse safer than intercourse?
It depends on the activity. Some forms greatly reduce pregnancy risk. While others can still have STI or pregnancy considerations. Better to think in terms of risk levels. Rather more often than not, it’s a safer alternative to intercourse.
Can couples use sex toys during outercourse?
Yes. Especially the non-penetrative ones. You can pick toys that bring you external stimulation. Like the ones vibration and suction features that don’t require insertion.
Do you need a reason to try outercourse?
Nope. Not at all. If you feel like doing it with your partner. That’s already a perfectly respectable reason. You have the freedom to have fun with it.
The Takeaway
Outercourse is not intercourse’s subordinate. It’s also a collection of sexual experiences. With their own personalities, sensations, possibilities. Maybe you’re drawn to body contact. To mutual stimulation and experimentation.
Outercourse is a great way to experience those. Discovering what works for you together. So step outside your usual routine. Discover another blissful nugget that you’d both love.
Special Thanks:
Vera Chikezie-Oke - Wholesome Sexuality
Delighted by your outercourse experience? Here's a related post for you: Outercourse: Experiencing Intimacy Beyond Penetration
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