Spoiler alert: good sex is not just about positions or orgasms. Find out what truly feels amazing for you.
A lot of women who have sex look perfectly fine from the outside, the moans, the movement, the compliment that “it’s good,” but inside, something feels a little off. Something is still missing, or sex isn’t feeling good after all.
And that’s why you’re here. You want to understand what good sex actually feels like for women, not the men-pleasing version, or the porn version, but you want that real, grounded, toe-curling version you can experience with a partner.
Once you learn what really makes sex good for women like us, you will gain confidence in bed, and you can finally express to your partner what you really need.
7 Ways to Make Sex Good for Women
For most women, pleasure is a full-body experience; it includes the emotional connection, communication, and foreplay that lets your body catch up with your mind. So, let’s break down what really makes sex good for women.
1. Emotional Connection and Trust
For many women, good sex starts long before anyone takes their clothes off. Feeling emotionally safe, respected, and seen helps our body relax, and our mind will really enjoy the experience.
In long-term or emotionally bonded relationships, trust can make sex feel even more satisfying, because there’s comfort, acceptance, and exploration without being scared or worrying that our partners will judge us.
Research from The National Library of Medicine even shows that trust, love, and affectionate nonsexual touch make women feel more relaxed in sex. Some even say that these emotional factors are more important than the orgasm itself.
2. Communication and Consent
No matter how good your partner is in bed, they are never a mind reader and will never be. That is why honest and open communication is a must-have for good sex. It’s important to talk about your desires, boundaries, turn-ons, and turn-offs. It allows both partners to have a satisfying sexual experience.
Besides that, check-ins and consent are huge.
3. Foreplay and Arousal
For us women, the appetizer is the main course of the event, not the other way around. Foreplay should not be optional. Kissing, touching, teasing, grinding, and the like are what get us in the mood.
Skipping straight to penetration is like trying to microwave a frozen pizza for 30 seconds and expecting restaurant quality.
So, learn your erogenous zones, the neck, thighs, lips, stomach, and inner thighs, and find out how to stimulate them. Also, a good ambience can add to the fun.
4. Pleasuring Based on Her Biology
Don’t worry, we’re not gonna be technical here. But let’s get one thing straight, our bodies are not built for a one-size-fits-all sex. What makes the other girl climax doesn’t mean it’s gonna work on you. It’s our biology.
So it’s really important to understand yourself and be able to communicate your needs with your partner.
And what better way can we explore ourselves than with a sex toy?
If it’s your first time buying a sex toy and you feel embarrassed about it, don’t worry. You’re not alone. If it helps, here is the fact: According to Yahoo Finance, the female segment held the largest share of the sex toy market in 2020 and is projected to keep growing through 2028.
Also, Grand View Research shows that vibrators dominated the 2023 market with a 22.48% revenue share and are expected to grow even faster in the coming years.
So, it’s time for some self-exploration with a little aid from your best sex toy.
5. Self-Confidence
How you feel good about yourself in the moment is also a factor in good sex. If you feel accepted and unashamed of your body, your size, shape, color, and texture, orgasm is more achievable.
It’s because insecurities shut down arousal, but if you are confident with your body, you relax. Besides that, respect plays a huge role here, too.
When both partners value each other’s pleasure, not treating sex as something to get over with, the experience will be more satisfying.
6. Flexibility, Playfulness, and Shared Exploration
Another biggest killer of good sex is repetition. Imagine doing the same position and rhythm over and over?
Variety wakes up the body. Try switching positions, playing with the rhythm, pace, fantasies, and sensations. This keeps your bedroom experience fresh and exciting.
7. Aftercare
Great sex should not end when you collapse on the bed. Aftercare is the emotional glue that turns that orgasm you’ve just shared into a connection.
A cuddle, conversation, kisses, and holding each other strengthen the intimacy, and this makes sex feel safe and warm. If you’re a guy, you’ll be sure that there’ll be a next time.
Aftercare also includes talking with your partner about what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. You should not hesitate to open up with your partner, because a partner who cares also cares about giving you pleasure.
Common Mistakes People Believe Are Good Sex for Women
There are a lot of myths floating around about what makes sex good for women, and many of them do more harm than good. Believing these myths can backfire, turning what should be a hot session into a painful and unpleasant experience.
The Larger the Penis, the Better
I really hate it when someone says that a woman goes with a guy because of their large penis. But the truth is, the size isn’t the ultimate factor.
According to Dr. Emma Blake, if you look at the sex toys women buy, most prefer lengths that are close to the average size of an erect penis. Not the lengthiest one.
Across eight major sex toy distributors, the most commonly purchased insertable lengths range between 4 to 6 inches, which are considered average.
Some examples of sextoys in this range are:
You can watch Dr. Emma Blake’s video here:
Just Focus on Achieving That Orgasm
Obsessing over “coming” can backfire. When sex becomes all about the finish line, sex becomes technical and less pleasurable. And when a guy does this to us, it makes us feel pressured to perform.
The best approach is to focus on building a relaxing and fun environment. Make the experience fun by touching, teasing, and laughing together, and let orgasm come naturally.
The Rougher, the Better
Some people assume that rough or aggressive sex is more satisfying. Yes, hair-pulling, spanking, or other consensual BDSM play can be fun, if that’s what you like. But ramming, pounding, or aggressive penetration is a different story.
Vagina is delicate, and overdoing it can cause discomfort or even injury.
Porn actresses are just actresses; you don’t know what happens behind the scenes, so if you see that they are being rammed and pounded aggressively, it doesn’t mean they really do enjoy the experience.
What Good Sex Means for You?
The tips listed above are just suggestions. Still, you are the last person to decide what really good sex is. What feels amazing today can be different tomorrow. Take time to notice and explore to find out what makes you feel desired, safe, and turned on. Don’t be shy about sharing it with your partner.
Honest, open communication combined with respect, consent, and emotional safety lays the foundation for really good sex.
If you’re ready to find out what feels good for you, head over to BeYourLover.com to find the best toys that will match your unique pleasure, because sexual satisfaction should always revolve around you and what makes you orgasm.
Special Thanks To:
- Dr. Emma Blake, urologist and sexologist
