Texting in a naughty way? Your phone is your mischievous wingman here.
What is BDSM Sexting?
BDSM sexting is where you exchange messages with someone. To playfully explore consensual power dynamics. Here, you can also play around with anticipation and roleplay outside your bedroom. Utilizing your phone’s incredible power.
You’re flirting but on another level. A sexual one. So make sure that you’re not letting prying eyes see you sexting. Be mindful. See to it that you’re in the right time and place before you participate in this smutty exchange of messages.
It doesn’t have to be extreme right away though. A playful build to the explicit is nice too. You can start with a simple check in. Maybe send a compliment to praise your person. You can even give or receive a naughty mission for the day.
The important word here is consensual. Both of you should knowingly agree that you’re participating in this dynamic. And enjoying it. Good BDSM communication starts long before any of you picks up the phone.
Why Some Couples Love BDSM Sexting?
Waiting... Let’s be honest. That can be attractive. A playful message at noon can become the highlight of your day. Instead of sending everything at once in detail, BDSM-oriented texts can stretch your excitement for hours.
It also increases that feeling of connection. You don’t have to be in the same room to flirt or tease and make each other smile. For long-distance settings especially, BDSM-inspired texts can become your fun ritual.
Helping you maintain intimacy in between visits. There’s a strange energy/force behind a simple text message. One tiny notification. It can make you grin or blush. While you’re in some boring meeting. Or maybe while you’re waiting for your coffee.
You’re out there spending the rest of your afternoon wondering about a text from the other end. “We’ll talk later.” Sure, it’s straightforward. But from an intimate lens, that would make you wonder right?
That’s exactly sexting could spice up your sexual adventures. It’s not just flirting. It’s you building anticipation and creating playful power dynamics. Staying connected while you’re miles apart from someone you get hard or wet for.
You don’t have to overuse shock value even in a BDSM setting. It’s a chemistry thing as well. Maybe you’re a newbie or a seasoned sexplorer already. But these sexting tips might help you keep your exchange fun, respectful and exciting.
Before You Start: Set Expectations
Maybe the least glamorous. But the most important part. Talk first. Discuss what kind of dynamic you’re both interested in. Who’s the dom? Who’s the sub? Are you willing to switch roles? Every now and then?
Let each other know about the words and acts you enjoy and what are off-limits. Since adulting means we have obligations outside sex, be clear when sexting is appropriate. You don’t want a playful assignment popping up during…
A wholesome family dinner, a business presentation or a wake. A quick conversation beforehand? That would make everything safer and more enjoyable for you.
BDSM Sexting Ideas to Try
1. Build Anticipation, Make Them Curious
One of your easiest ways to flirt is creating curiosity. Instead of revealing everything immediately. We’re kinda suckers for mystery and surprise aren’t we? Try sending these:
- “I have a surprise planned for later.”
- “Don’t make any evening plans.”
- “Am I allowed to make you mine tonight?”
Tell your partner that patience is part of today’s challenge. Say that you’ve been thinking ‘bout them all afternoon. Half the fun is making them wonder. Did you notice something? None of them are explicit.
Saving the delicious details for later. They leave some room for sexy imagination. At times, it’s a far more entertaining approach. Helping you build up the intensity and rhythm in a natural way.
2. Send Playful Praise Messages
Praise is a huge part of BDSM dynamics. It’s not always extreme or shocking. Because folks genuinely enjoy feeling appreciated. Simple ideas include:
- “You’ve handled today perfectly.”
- “I’m proud of how patient you’ve been.”
- “Exactly what I hope you’d do.”
- “Well done sweetheart.”
- “I noticed your effort.”
Sometimes, your sincere compliments land much harder than some dramatic speech.
3. Make Fun Assignments
Your assignments… They don’t have to be so daunting. Intimacy is your goal here dear one, not intimidation. And simple tasks? They’re sexy. You can say things like.
- “Let’s drink enough water for today. We’re going to need it”.
- “Taking a relaxing walk right now. Getting ready for later.”
- “I’m wearing a new outfit right now, follow the tasks and I’ll peel them off.”
You can pick a nice costume and BDSM accessories (when appropriate). Making you double down on roleplay. A bonus/treat - send tasks and attach your steamy photos to them. And then, take the photo back. That push and pull? Effective.
Read a chapter from an erotic novel. Send it as a voicemail. See? Power exchange is a wonderful thing. You can alternate between something very practical and something naughtier. Caring for your bodies is also a part of your assignment.
A great foundation for your sub and dom exchange here. You’re allowed to be cheesy in some texts. Spice things up by including playful rewards/punishments. They’re gonna make the BDSM elements in your play stand out.
Related: Setting Up a Safe and Fun BDSM Scene at Your Own Home
4. Build a Running Story
Another fun idea. Instead of reading a chapter from a novel, why not text each other as if you’re letting your own sub and dom story unfold? Dramatic messages or simpler ones, completely up you. Let your sexting story progress naturally.
- In the morning, tell ‘em this. “Today’s gonna be interesting. Can’t wait to get naked for you. Hope you are too.”
- Lunch, “Wow you’re patient! Claim your rewards later.”
- In the afternoon, compliment your partner for waiting. Say “You’re doing so good. So hard/wet right now.”
In the evening, yep. Your story’s crescendo is so worth it. Express that you’re looking forward to seeing them. That slow, lovely build creates excitement. Without a wall of text on your phone’s screen. When the time’s right, you’re in for an orgasmic finish.
5. Use Inside Jokes
Yup. We all have them. Maybe it’s a certain emoji. A nickname or a code word. Random phrases that make no sense to the outside world. Those little details make your BDSM sexting feel more personal. Adding that twist of uniqueness.
Like you’re in your own little sexy world with your partner. Instead of just copying what you see on the web. Do those details in your messages confuse strangers? Good. You’ve added a unique touch to your dynamic.
6. Enhance Your Experience with Toys
Having thoughtfully chosen accessories while you’re sexting. They would make things more immersive. More interesting. Exhilarating if you will. Go and grab a nice BDSM kit. A kit that encourages you to build trust, communication and playful roleplay.
Add reliable vibrators into the mix if you want multi-layered sensuality. You can also give or get the kit and sex toys as rewards for patience. Cooperating with undeniable, mouth-watering enthusiasm… Oh yeah! Turn your ordinary Thursday into an unforgettable one!
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Rookie Mistakes to Avoid in BDSM Sexting
Trying too hard
You don’t need to sound like a mysterious villain. From the latest show you’re watching. Your natural confidence is always better. Better than the uh oh… contrived intensity or drama. Let your BDSM story build up organically.
Forgetting that real life exists
Immersion is not something you avoid like the plague. But the key here is balance. You and your partner still have relationships and responsibilities. Outside your BDSM sexting world. Respect the schedules you have. So you can fully enjoy the naughtiness when you’re both free.
Ignoring consent
Making assumptions. That’s the quickest way for you to ruin the beauty of BDSM sexting. Bypassing the importance of consent is sooo unsexy. So please check in. Communicate. Make a few adjustments when necessary.
Copying social media
Internet quotes often sound rad until you use them in real conversations. Create messages that actually sound you. Don’t turn your BDSM sexting journey into a meme alright? Your authenticity. It wins every time.
A Quick Long-Distance BDSM Sexting Tip
Your distance doesn’t have to lead you to feeling disconnected. Try daily check-ins with your partner. A countdown to your next meeting’s pretty neat too. Create a shared erotic playlist to sustain the mood.
Sexy photo challenge? Great! Remind your partner that you get horny when you think about them. Little moments throughout your day can build stronger anticipation. Stronger than you know, walls of text.
Your consistency will naturally lead to intensity. So please don’t rush the build. That approach would make your climax more mind-blowing. Don’t forget about aftercare even through text or call.
Speaking of long-distance, your phone plays a massive role here. Why not maximize the experience with an app that is compatible with your toys? Check this out!
BDSM Sexting FAQs
Is BDSM sexting exclusive to experienced couples?
No. Not at all. Plenty of couples out there start with some playful teasing or praise. Doing harmless, sexy challenges before exploring deeper and more structured territories of BDSM. No need for you to be a shibari expert right away.
Does BDSM sexting always involve dominance and submission?
Most of the time. Submission and dominance are major parts of BDSM. But you can start with just enjoying anticipation, roleplay or playful tones. Without adopting a formal sub/dom dynamic.
Can BDSM sexting improve communication?
Yes! BDSM sexting encourages you to have conversations about your boundaries. Your preferences, level of trust and expectations. The safety and playfulness you feel will help your relationship grow stronger.
Is consent necessary in BDSM sexting?
Absolutely. Because consent is always crucial (BDSM or not). Surprising someone with sexual messages they haven’t agreed to? That’s not advisable and not fun. A talk or a quick heads up will save you from unpleasant, awkward situations.
What’s the biggest mistake beginners make in BDSM sexting?
Biggest mistake here: Trying too hard to be dominant or submissive minus your authenticity. It’s nice to play a role. But don’t throw your personality out the window. Dramatic one-liners are cool as long as you’re not compromising your authentic self.
While You Press the Send Button…
You can send the boldest, wittiest message. But without enthusiasm and consent, your message could fall flat. The fun of BDSM sexting is making your partner feel seen, trusted and excited to hear from you.
Anticipation. Plenty of communication. Shared sense of humor. Those can turn your ordinary texts into the most enjoyable parts of your day. After all, the smallest notification can bring you the biggest smile.
What a great reason to keep your sexy conversation going. Go ahead and check in with your partner right now. Make sure each task is enjoyable for both the dom and sub in your connection. Message sent, message received.
Special Thanks:
Kendall Morgan - WebMD contributor
Wanna learn more about kinky ideas? Give this a read: You Want to Try Kink, But Don’t Know Where to Start
For more BDSM-related content, check these out:
Want to Be a Pleasure Sub? Here’s How to Explore this Sensual BDSM Role Safely
What is a Pleasure Dom? Your Ultimate Guide to the Art of Pleasure Dominance
