Let’s take a look at what outercourse is. How it benefits your sex life and the role it plays in different relationships and things to keep in mind if you’re planning to try it.
What is Outercourse?
When you think about sex, your mind would usually jump straight into sexual intercourse or penetration. But intimacy, especially in a sexual context is more nuanced. It’s more broad than what you expect. That’s when outercourse can take the stage.
Outercourse is an umbrella term for sexual activities you can do with a partner without penetration. A few examples of it are grinding/dry-humping, kissing, caressing, mutual masturbation and oral sex.
Outercourse is something you can try to explore erogenous zones with a partner. You can’t really consider it a lesser form of sex. It’s a different way for you to experience intimacy that does not involve penetration.
And if you try outercourse, you might even find that it’s just as satisfying and meaningful as penetrative sex. Here’s a video of Dr. Laura Meihofer and Dr. Celeste Compton where they talk about outercourse.
A video that covers different benefits while also giving you tips. So you can communicate your needs and enjoy your experience with outercourse.
Is Outercourse the Same as Abstinence?
Not really. To some folks, outercourse and abstinence might overlap. Because of one key thing. The lack of penetration. But there’s a huge difference. Outercourse is something you do as an alternate form of sexual expression.
Abstinence is when you avoid any kind of sexual contact. The only similarity you’ll find between the two is the lack of vaginal/anal penetration. Which helps you reduce the risk of STIs or pregnancy.
Outercourse still allows you to engage in other sexual activities without penetrative sex. Abstinence on the other hand, is when you withdraw from any kind of sexual activity.
Outercourse Benefits
Safer Sex Option
Outercourse excludes insertion or penetration. So it allows you to safely explore sex with a partner. Reducing the risk of sexually transmitted infections or unplanned pregnancies Outercourse is a safe sexual alternative for you. Pleasure and protection rolled into one.
Pressure-free Intimacy
The expectation of going all the way (with penetration) can sometimes be overwhelming isn’t it? Outercourse lets you slow down and explore at a pace that you and your partner are comfortable with. More focus on pleasure rather than performance.
Accessibility
Worried about physical limitations, medical conditions? Or you’re just not a fan of penetration. Outercourse will open up ways for you to have a fullfilling intimate life despite challenges. It invites and welcomes you to enjoy sex without conforming to penetration.
Deeper Connection
Because you don’t look at penetration as a goal, outercourse allows you to be more creative. It’s a great chance to communicate. And pay attention to you and your partner’s body language and responses.
Emotional and Psychological Impact of Outercourse
Sex does not limit you to just rubbing body parts. Your heart and mind are also active players in your intimate moments. Penetrative or not.
- Affirming- Outercourse is not just about the physical aspect of your sex life. It’s about emotions too. Most would find outercourse very affirming. Because it helps you get the feeling of being cared for and desired without the worry-inducing pressure of penetration.
- Empowering- Outercourse is also something that makes you feel empowered. Set your own pace. While honoring comfort levels and boundaries.
- Bonding- Shared exploration in outercourse helps you strengthen your bond. Build intimacy and trust even without needing penetration. Sex is about connection and not just a checklist of moves right?
If you’re feeling more fulfilled by intercourse despite the benefits of outercourse, it’s your preference. And like anyone else, you’re free to have that. The downside if needs are not communicated properly?
A mismatch of preferences can sometimes happen. Like any sexual practice, if you’re not on the same page, feelings of rejection may arise and spoil the fun. Long-term or casual, you must approach everything with care.
So you can avoid the negative effects of acting mindlessly. Outercourse is a physically different form of sex act than intercourse. But it can still impact you in an emotional and psychological way.
We have different personalities. What’s normal or not a big deal for you might be something else for another person. Being mindful will surely help you even in navigating non-penetrative sexual situations.
Importance of Boundaries and Consent in Outercourse
Even though you see outercourse as a lighter or safer version of sex, consent is still crucial. Because touching, closeness and vulnerability are still parts of it. A deeply personal one. And we all have different comfort levels.
You probably enjoy full nudity, grinding or mutual masturbation but not oral sex. That’s not the case for everyone. So talking openly about what feels good and what doesn’t is very important. Even without penetration.
Check in often with your sex partner during the moment. Respect everyone’s limits. No matter how comfortable you are with someone, boundaries are non-negotiable right? Outercourse is a sex act that still depends on our preference and comfort level.
Talk About Boundaries
Don’t deliver a big speech. No matter what relationship you’re in. Just make it honest, simple and respectful. Express the stuff you enjoy and what you don’t. Remember to invite your partner to express things on their end as well.
Revisit boundaries as things evolve. What feels off for you may feel exciting later. Or vice versa. Check in regularly. Before, during and after intimacy. Remember the you and your sex partner’s yes and no when it comes to outercourse or sex in general.
Outercourse in Different Types of Relationships
How does outercourse play a role in different relationships? Let’s find out.
- In Long-term Relationships - If you’re in a long-term relationship, outercourse can help you and your partner rediscover intimacy. Keeping things fresh. You can maintain your closeness when life stress or health conditions make penetration less frequent.
- In Casual Connections - If you’re in a hookup or casual setting, outercourse can be a comfortable way for you to share intimacy. Without you or your casual partner feeling things are too much, too soon for penetration.
- In Polyamorous Relationships - Outercourse can help you too in poly relationship dynamics. It lets you bond differently with each partner. While also respecting different boundaries and desires within your sexual circle.
- In Same-Sex Relationships - Outercourse is a natural part of same-sex intimacy. If you’re a queer couple, oral sex, frotting, tribbing and body play can be your main ways of being sexual without needing penetration.
Combining Outercourse with Other Sexual Practices
Outercourse doesn’t have to be a stand-alone sexual experience. You’re free to combine it with other forms of sexual expression as well. Let’s say you have a kink like bondage or roleplaying. But you’re not a big fan of penetration.
That’s when outercourse can enter the picture. It’s also perfect for your erotic massage sessions. How about sex toys? You can pick a toy that doesn't require insertion. A toy more focused on external stimulation.
BeYourLover Heart is perfect for that!
If penetration is still a part of your intimate menu, you’re free to combine outercourse with it. You can do it before or after penetrative sex. That’s really beautiful. Open to different sexual expressions.
Enhancing Safety and Comfort
Here are some tips in ensuring your safety and comfort when it comes to outercourse.
Talk before you start touching
A simple conversation will help you a lot. Communicate the things you want to do. And what things are off-limits. The same goes for your partner. It helps you set the tone for an enjoyable experience.
Set the mood
Comfort is not limited to how your body feels. Your environment matters too. Make your space a cozy spot. Dim those lights, play soft background music and grab a warm blanket. For an additional layer of comfort and intimacy.
Keep things clean
Yes, outercourse is a safer way for you to sexually engage. But you know, it’s still a good idea to keep things extra safe. By showering, washing your hands and using condoms. Keep your sex toys sanitized too.
Speaking of toys, pick ones that are made of quality, skin-friendly material. Don’t sweat looking for a great toy that will aid you during outercourse. It's discreet and easy to clean too.
Come and meet Earpod Alggie!
Use some lube
Grinding or rubbing can sometimes give you or your partner irritation. It’s even more troublesome if you have sensitive skin. Apply some quality, water-based lube. Even without penetration, don’t let your fun go sideways.
Avoid excessive friction. Go gentle. If something requires you to have tighter grip or do faster rubbing, don't overdo it please.
Go slow, check in, respect boundaries
Not every position or touch will make you or your sex partner comfortable right away. Adjust pace, pressure or rhythm that feels natural and comfortable for both of you. You should check in often.
Ask your partner if something feels really good. Or if they want you to keep going. Stay present. Reassure. If things start to feel kind of uncomfortable, stop. Please honor that moment. So you can build trust in outercourse.
Assuming that your partner will just roll with everything all the time could get you in trouble. Always think about boundaries and consent. Make the experience safe and pleasurable. Long-term or casual, communication is going to be your helpful guide in exploring sexuality.
Maximize Pleasure
You can look at outercourse as a stand-alone experience. But you can also add other sexy elements to it. Some variety will help you here. Focus on erogenous zones that your partner wants you to stimulate.
Experiment with different kinds of touch. Light strokes or firmer pressure. Pay attention to responses and share what feels good for you. Say things like “that feels good” or “keep going”. When there’s discomfort, respectfully express or respond to it.
Toys will help you a lot as well. Yes, you can still orgasm even externally. Without intercourse. But just like your body, your mind should also be in the right place for you to climax.
Get your naughty outercourse helpers here!
Have aftercare
You can try cuddling, talking or just lying together after reaching climax. Checking in reinforces closeness and safety in your sexual experience. A warm way of showing appreciation to the humanity of the person/people you’re with.
A Closing Thought
Outercourse reminds us that sex is not just a single act. Sex can give us a spectrum of ways to give and receive pleasure. So we can feel connected and intimate. Embracing it will open a creative and more inclusive understanding of what intimacy is.
This might be your first rodeo in outercourse. Or you’re using it in solidifying your long-term connection with someone. In your sexual journey, keep these very important things in mind. Communication, consent and the joy of discovery.
Because they matter. A lot. Have fun!
