A study in 2022 found that a significant number of women, around 20 to 25%, have never actually masturbated. The study also looked into why that might be, and the top reason was that they deem it as uninteresting (almost 70%). Others mentioned being in a relationship (13%) or having moral or religious beliefs against it (8-11%).
I understand that you might be feeling guilty about exploring sexuality on your own, but know that it’s totally okay to feel pleasure. And this experience is normal, like you’re not the only one who feels this way.
Solo masturbation, or fingering yourself, is about taking ownership of your body and getting to know it without shame.
It’s time to take charge of your body, as you learn everything you need to know on how to finger yourself, from knowing the right spots to hit to learning the techniques.
By the time you’re done reading this, you’ll realize that it’s fine and normal to feel good. You can think of this as a new way to de-stress and get comfortable with yourself. And honestly, it’s a great idea to figure out what you like before you involve a partner in the mix.
Getting to Know Your Body: Which Spots to Hit?
You’re not just here to learn how to finger yourself, you wanna know how to reach that toe-curling orgasm.
Whether you’ve got a penis or a vulva, understanding a woman’s anatomy is gonna be very helpful. According to ABC News, 75% of women never climax from just simple intercourse; It’s a huge number!
It means that most of us need a little extra something, and you can count fingering as something.
If you want that sweet, sweet release, you must know where to aim. Let’s break down the best spots to hit, shall we?
Best Spots to Hit the Big O for Women
Clitoris
The clitoris is right at the top of the vulva, and it’s very sensitive, because it is packed with around 8,000 nerve endings. Many people with a vulva can achieve orgasm simply by stimulating this part.
G-Spot
G-spot is a bit more of a treasure hunt compared to the others, but it’s still easy to find. It’s on the front wall, around two inches from the vaginal opening. You can describe it as a slightly bumpy or spongy part of your vaginal wall. It swells a little when you stimulate it right and can feel good.
Anus
Yup, you read that right! Although it might seem unexpected, your anus has nerve endings that can be aroused when stimulated. That’s why lots of people find pleasure in it, even if it’s not the first place you might think of.
7 Things You Need to Do Before the Fingering Session
Before you dive right in, remember that your vagina is sensitive. Don’t just go at it. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Hygiene
First things first, you have to keep that down there clean! Wash your hands well before you get started. And if you’re thinking of playing with your anus too, make sure you wash your hands again before touching your vagina. You don’t want to bring unwanted bacteria in there.
Keep your nails trimmed, because the last thing you want is to scratch yourself and ruin the fun. Worse, you don’t want those scratches to get infected.
And if you’re using any toys, wash them before and after you use them.
2. Relax
I understand that your solo session can feel both exciting and scary if it’s your first time. But take a deep breath. Let go of any stress or worries hanging around in your head. Remember that this is your time to enjoy yourself, so don’t let anything steal that away from you.
Reaching orgasm can be hard if you’re tense or distracted. If you’re stressed out, you can do some exercise or just take a few moments to meditate.
3. Lubricate
Lube is your friend. Grab a water-based lubricant for a smoother experience and reduce friction. You don’t want to cause any tiny tears in your vagina that could lead to infections.
4. Get Turned On
Setting the right vibe can help you a great deal. Think dim lights, chill music, or even some porn or audio erotica to get you in the mood. When you’re turned on, your body naturally produces its own lubrication, which is a good sign.
If you’re doing this with a partner and want to make it a bit of a show, don’t be afraid to talk dirty or even encourage them to do it. Don’t forget to touch the erogenous zones too, such as your inner thighs, neck, or breasts. Touching these parts can help build up the excitement.
5. Be in a Comfortable Place
It doesn’t matter if you’re in your bedroom, the bathroom, or even the living room as long as you feel comfortable and have your privacy. Lock that door so no one can accidentally walks in, that would be awkward.
Also, give your space a quick tidy-up, as you don’t want any creepy crawlies distracting you, and those dirty socks and underwear lying around are not sexy.
6. Be Kind to Yourself
If it’s your first time, just enjoy the experience. Think of it as a journey. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s about the experience of discovering what your body wants.
8 Fingering Tips You’ll Love
Now, you’re ready for the good stuff, and we’re getting down to it.
If you just want a quick technique without a ton of explanation, this video can give you a good starter:
If you’re down to explore a bit more and find out various techniques that will help you discover what really feels good for you, here are some techniques that you might love:
1. Circular Clitoris Strokes
It is the most basic, and the video torches on this. Just use your fore and middle finger to make little circles around your clit. Easy peasy!
2. Come Hither
Another basic move to hit that G-spot. Insert a finger and then curl it upwards, tap, and apply a little pressure to stimulate that G-spot.
3. Varying Pressure
Play around with how hard or soft you’re pressing to figure out what feels the best for you. Sex toys can help you a lot with this, because many toys nowadays provide more pressure options. BeYourLover’s Fatima is an example.
4. Rhythm Play
Don’t just stick to just one speed. Try going faster or slower. It can help build the excitement.
5. Dual Stimulation
This is where things get a little more advanced. This time, you will have to hit both your clitoris and G-spot at the same time. You can try doing it with two fingers on your clit and one inside. But let’s be honest, it can be a bit difficult.
A toy like Angela can help you on this.
6. Fingering From Different Angles
Your position can make a difference, too. Varying your angles can help you find that sweet spot, and you can try using pillows for support.
Lying on your back is the most basic. It can give you better access to both your clitoris and G-spot. Squatting can make your sexual experience feel more intense because your muscles are more engaged. Going for that doggy-style is not bad either, as it can give you a different angle for stimulation.
7. Anal Fingering
If anal fingering is new for you, go slow and use lots of lube. The anus isn’t as stretchy as a vagina, but as mentioned, it can make you feel good too and can be worth exploring.
8. Edging
Edging is a fun one if you have the time and wanna feel adventurous. It’s about bringing yourself right to the edge of orgasm, and then backing off. Repeating this can make the final climax more intense.
Is There Any Downside?
The short answer is no. Not when it’s just you and your amazing body. Think about it, you’re not swapping any fluids, so STIs won’t necessarily be a concern.
BUT, if you’re planning on getting down and dirty with a partner after exploring with your fingers and haven’t washed your hands thoroughly, then there’s a tiny chance of spreading some unwanted stuff.
So, good hygiene and safe sex are the key.
Do You Need Toys?
Again, not really. Your fingers are amazing on their own. But let’s be honest, sometimes your fingers can get a little tired, especially if you’re trying to do a lot at once, like hitting both your clit and G-spot. That’s where the toys can be very helpful.
Plus, they may have extra features that your fingers might not be able to do easily. One of these is that most sex toys nowadays offer different kinds of vibrations, speeds, and patterns. If you want something hands-free or remote-controlled, they’re available too.
Just note that if you want to use a toy. Remember to clean it well. Just like you wash your hands, you gotta wash your toys too.
It’s a good idea to read the instructions that come with your toy so you know how to clean it properly and avoid accidentally breaking it. You don’t want to see your money go down the drain after all. Lastly, make sure to dry it well before you store it.
Trust Your Body, Explore Your Pleasure
Listen to your body, and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t achieve that big O the first time. This is a journey, not a race.
Pay attention to the little sparks and tingling; that’s your body giving you clues. If something feels good, do more of that.
There’s no right or wrong way to explore your own pleasure. Don’t be afraid to try different things to figure out what makes you feel good the most. Experiment with the touch of your fingers, different toys, speeds, and pressures. You might surprise yourself with what you discover.
Feeling curious to explore even more possibilities? Visit BeYourLover for pretty cool toys that can give you a new experience during your love sessions, whether you’re flying solo or having fun with a partner.
