Let’s take a closer look at pansexuality. Intimate connection regardless of gender.
What is Pansexuality?
Hey there sexy, beautiful soul! Hoping that everything’s well. Maybe you’ve heard this a few times before. Saw the word online or someone you know mentioned it. Pansexuality. What is it though?
Pansexuality is an attraction you can have for another person where gender doesn’t even limit you. This kind of attraction makes you feel sexual and emotional attraction to someone. Regardless of how they identify themselves.
Let’s try looking at it like this. You know, instead of you noticing your person based on their gender or appearance, you’re drawn to something else. Their energy. Their personality and humor. Or how they view this life and this world.
See? What’s between their legs doesn’t even factor in. Not an obstacle at all. If you don’t mind being sexually attracted to someone without batting an eye about their gender, there’s a possibility you can be a pansexual.
Pansexual folks often describe it as ‘hearts not parts’. To them, attraction is not about bodies or labels. It’s about the connection, love you feel beyond gender. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re out there getting easily attracted to everyone.
Fair enough that you love a lot of people. But you’re not attracted to each one of them right? Point here is you can get attracted and get super hot for someone without getting bothered by their gender.
Is Pansexuality Different from Bisexuality?
Let’s look at this one. Maybe the most common question about pansexuality. How’s it different from bisexuality? What’s the difference? Very subtle. And probably not too strict.
Bisexuality is when you get the hots for a person from two or more genders. Traditionally, you can feel attracted to someone from your own gender or from another. The definition has broadened over time though.
Pansexuality on the other hand? Not concerned at all about labels/genders. You don’t see it as a qualifying/disqualifying factor at all. Whatever the gender of that special someone is, you’re really into their humanity. Not their gender.
That said, labels are still personal. Some bi fellows can still feel attraction to all genders. Making their experience similar to pansexuality. The difference is in how they identify themselves. Or in how they perceive the role of gender in their relationship dynamics.
Maybe there’s a lil bit of an overlap but that’s fine too. Labels aren’t rules. You can look at them as tools. Tools to help you understand yourself and connect with other souls who might share similar experiences with you.
Can Pansexuality Work with Monogamy?
Absolutely. Pansexuality doesn’t restrict you to how many partners you have. Or how you’re structuring your relationships. You can be a pansexual while still preferring a monogamous kind of sexual attraction/connection.
Look around and see what arrangement feels right for you. It’s pretty easy to assume that pansexual people are automatically polyamorous. That’s quite a common, understandable misconception though.
Monogamous or polyamorous, pansexuality is about you not getting bugged by the gender of the person you’re fancying.
Exploring Pansexuality Safely and Respectfully
Exploration is natural. So you can find out what works for you in your intimate life. If you’re curious to know if you jive with pansexuality, you can explore this one without hurting yourself or others.
- Listen to your feelings - Pay attention to your feelings about that certain someone. Emotionally. Physically. Reflecting will help you more than just forcing the whole experience. You know like a compass, look at your feelings as your guide here.
- Learn from stories - Watch interviews or listen to podcasts where pansexuals share their stories. Learn about their feelings and their perspective regarding sexuality. So you can also understand your own journey.
- Communicate openly - If you start seeing someone, be honest and clear about your orientation, your intentions. Your level of certainty as well. Consent, transparency. They matter.
- Don’t experiment at someone else’s expense - Nothing wrong with your curiosity. But please don’t ever try using someone else. Because you just want to figure yourself out. You can emotionally hurt them if you’re not careful. Be on the same page.
- Stay safe online and offline - Trust your instincts ‘cause you have them for a reason. Show respect and use protective measures if you’re meeting up. Pressure? Don’t compromise your boundaries to that.
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Pansexual People, Attracted to Everyone?
Not quite the case. Pansexuality is not really you being attracted to every person you meet. No one on this earth is attracted to everyone. That would be nuts don’t you think? Pansexuality doesn’t limit your attraction by gender.
But your preferences still exist here. Personality, chemistry and emotional connection are still important factors that you’re considering. Your attraction experience is subtle and nuanced.
Can Pansexuality Coexist with Other Identities?
Yes. Pansexuals can roll, coexist with other identities. LGBTQ+ or straight. Cisgender or trans. Neurotypical or neurodivergent. You can identify as nonbinary, trans, cisgender without ya know, clashing with pansexuality.
You’re not gonna be confined/restricted by the gender of the soul and body you’re attracted to. Let’s say, you’re emotionally attracted to a specific gender. But get sexually attracted to all genders.
Not a problem at all ‘cause you can still be a pansexual. Your orientation doesn’t define your whole identity in life. It’s just a part of it. Who you are in other aspects of your life is not decided by being pansexual.
Pansexuality Misconceptions
Lotta myths out there. Misunderstanding, conflating pansexuality with other orientations. Here are some of those misconceptions.
- Pansexuals are attracted to everyone - gender is not a limitation but attraction is still a personal, selective thing alright?
- Pansexuality is just bisexuality with a fancier name - Overlap? Sure. But labels guide you in expressing yourself authentically. Confidently. Intimately. Pansexuality is you explicitly emphasizing a gender-blind kind of attraction.
- A pansexual person is polyamorous by default - Nah. Your relationship style and orientation are somewhat two separate things. Pansexual folks can be monogamous, polyamorous. Maybe somewhere in between too.
- It’s just a phase, a trendy label - You can explore pansexuality and maybe find a better fit later on. Part of your personal journey, transformation. Also possible that it will be your lifelong, genuine orientation.
Talking to a Pansexual Person
Your curiosity and respect should go hand in hand here. Even if you’re not quite seeing a pansexual person’s full perspective, you can still show support. Try using the language they prefer.
If you’re talking to someone who said they’re pansexual, go and use that label. Please don’t force or pressure them into boxes they don’t identify with. Don’t assume that they’re feeling automatic attraction to someone. Just because you assume this or that.
Listen more. Instead of talking over them. Usually, they just want to be heard without turning your convo into some kind of lecture. Show your support with simple but important elements. Acknowledgement, openness, respect.
Can You Be Pansexual and Still Have Preferences?
Yup! Being pansexual doesn’t erase your personal preferences. The things that really turn you on. You can be attracted to certain personality traits or maybe lifestyles. Types of connection without gender getting in your way.
As a pansexual person, you might find the creative types, empathetic, humorous people super hot. While again, being open to people across the gender spectrum. You can prefer a certain something about someone.
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How Do You Know If You’re A Pansexual?
There’s no strict checklist or test. It’s more of a feeling. Something that clears things up for you as time goes on. You might start noticing that you develop sexual, emotional attraction to people from various genders.
You also notice that gender is not the very first thing that you notice about the person you’re fancying. You can also relate to, resonate with the stories, feelings and experiences of pansexual folks.
It’s okay to not feel too sure about it right away. Questioning, exploring and reflecting? All part of your journey. Your process. In understanding yourself and others better. Labels are helpful.
But your experiences are still valid with or without labels.
What Pansexuality Teaches Us About Love?
We can look at pansexuality as an invitation. Invitation for us to see love and attraction from a flexible, nuanced and personal lens. It teaches us that connection is more than labels or categories.
A kind of chemistry that is not limited by expectation. But with hearts that can see what labels cannot. You might not even see yourself as a pansexual. Understanding it will deepen your empathy.
It’s your gentle, little reminder that your feelings of attraction aren't always about visible markers. That everyone’s experience with love is valid. Hearts instead of body parts remember?
Intimacy Beyond Gender
Pansexuality is not here to make us come up with a formula or a checklist. It’s more about us experiencing attraction and intimacy. Using a slightly different lens. Maybe you’re bisexual, pansexual or still in your exploring phase.
The core is the same though. It’s you noticing what draws you to another human. Then, honoring that certain connection authentically. Take your time if you need to by listening to yourself.
Your experiences, your feelings. They’re valid. Explore safely and respectfully as safety and respect matter. Always. Love and intimacy are more important than the labels we give ourselves anyway.
Messy or confusing sometimes? Fair enough. But it’s also beautiful and freeing for us. Pansexuality can just be one of your ways to say that you’re seeing people and their hearts. Not their gender or body parts.
