Turns out, the kind of touch men crave isn’t talked about nearly enough.
Have you ever felt used, like someone only touches you when they need something, but treats you like a stranger when you have no use at all?
It’s mean and devastating.
As humans, we all have this desire to be touched, like a genuine touch, not a fake touch. Especially if you’re a man. Sensual touch is a biological necessity because it can give you health benefits, relationship confidence, and even boost your sexual health.
The Difference Between Sexual Touch and Sensual Touch
Let’s clear this up first: not every touch has to end in sex.
Most men were never taught that. You’re trained to see touch as a transaction. If she’s touching you, you should perform. If you’re touching her, it should lead somewhere.
Sensual touch is different. It’s not just about putting your cock inside her, climaxing, or pleasing your partner. What sensual touch really is refers to warm, slow, intentional contact through hands, skin, breath, or other means. There should also be no pressure for you to get hard, finish, or impress.
In other words, it’s more of the experience itself, rather than the performance.
The “Touch Starvation” Epidemic in Men
The truth is, everyone is wired for connection, even men like you. When you go long without genuine and affectionate touch, your body feels it like starvation, thus the term, touch starvation.
Men are especially vulnerable to it because:
- Most non-sexual touch stops after childhood.
- Male friendships rarely include affectionate contact.
- In relationships, touch often shows up during sex, which is not wrong, by the way, but it should also be done outside the bedroom.
Affectionate, sensual contact, such as hugging, cuddling, and caressing, helps regulate stress hormones and gives the brain a felt sense of safety and connection.
When you’re deprived of that, you’ll feel chronic tension, and you’ll also feel always on alert. You’ll also feel lonely even though you’re not physically alone, and you’ll find it hard to relax into intimacy because you’re always expected to impress.
Therefore, you should not be shy about it when you seek real sensual touch, because it’s normal. If somebody tells you you’re needy, just say it’s because you’re human, not a robot.
Benefits of Sensual Touch in Men
Here are the reasons you should not skip sensual touch in the bedroom:
Sensual Touch Eases ED and Performance Anxiety
As mentioned, sex is like an opportunity to perform for most men, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Because if you do, you’ll feel pressure and less into the experience.
My boyfriend Nick was like that before. I told him he didn’t have to prove anything and that it was okay to just be himself. It wasn’t easy at first, because the idea that he needed to impress in bed seemed deeply ingrained in him. It took time before he felt completely at ease and able to simply enjoy the experience.
Sexual experience will feel like a puzzle, not an opportunity to be intimate and relax. Your body will react with stress, which can also affect your erection during sex.
But if you just focus on the experience of sensual touch, without demands and a goal to impress your partner, an erection will naturally happen.
Research shows that affectionate, safe touch helps men tune back into their own bodily sensations, which can indirectly improve erection quality and sexual confidence.
Managing Premature Ejaculation Through Mindful Touch
If you’ve ever felt like you finish faster than your partner, it’s called premature ejaculation, which is another bedroom problem.
Like erectile dysfunction, anxiety, and lack of body awareness can also be contributing factors to premature ejaculation.
Like in erectile dysfunction, mindful, sensual touch can help you retrain yourself to ejaculate naturally. Practices often labeled as Tantric or mindful sensual touch have been shown to help men with PE by mindfully slowing down, reframing touch as exploration, and not hurrying to orgasm.
According to a study published in Psychology and Behavioral Sciences, Tantric-style massage and mindful sensual touch prolong erections and delay ejaculation in men with PE, while also softening past sexual trauma and rigid gender roles.
In other words, when you learn to stay present to sensation instead of racing toward the finish line, your body naturally learns what it has to do.
Stronger, More Satisfying Orgasms
Here’s the part most men never hear about: sensual touch doesn’t just affect your prolonged performance in bed; it also builds up a cocktail of neurochemicals in your body, especially oxytocin, or the love hormone.
Oxytocin enhances feelings of trust, connection, and pleasure.
Sustained touch can intensify orgasm by activating and amplifying pleasure pathways in the brain.
It means that orgasms can feel more emotionally satisfying, better ejaculation, and less post-sex crash.
So you should not underestimate the power of sensual touch, as it has tons of benefits that will enhance your sexual experience.
Cardiovascular Benefits
Aside from what happens in the bedroom, sensual touch can also benefit you physically. Let’s put the romance aside for a second and talk about your body.
Studies on couples show that partners who regularly touch each other by stroking, holding, and gently caressing each other have lower cortisol (stress hormone), reduced heart rate, and lower blood pressure.
Immune System and Sleep Enhancement
Think about how you feel after the nights where you relax into deep connection, sex, cuddling, slow stroking, then sleep.
Men report better sleep quality after partnered sex and intimate touch than women do. Over half of men say their sleep improves.
Affectionate touch boosts immune cells that help your body fight infections and potentially even cancerous cells.
Also, frequent ejaculation, which often occurs in partnered intimacy, has been associated with a lower risk of prostate cancer in men.
Deepening Emotional Connection and Relationship Satisfaction
Here’s something surprising: sensual touch doesn’t just benefit you when you’re on the receiving end.
According to Men’s Health, men report strong erotic and emotional gratification when they’re the ones giving touch. Yup, heard of pleasure doms? But that’s for another story. The point is that men can feel emotional gratification through sensual touch, like nipple stimulation or rubbing their clit.
Nick loves to explore my body using sex toys, and I can feel that my pleasure is his pleasure too. All kinds of sex toys can be used—they’re meant to stimulate and enhance the experience. The one I recommend most for sensual touch is the Rosey. It’s a versatile toy that allows you to enhance stimulation in different ways.
Many men feel that this is a satisfying experience for themselves. So, if you benefit from being on the receiving end, you might as well be on the giving end to experience this satisfaction.
Ways to Explore Sensual Touch
According to PsyPost.org, around 68% of couples engage in some form of leg holding during intercourse. It is described as wrapping or interlocking legs. This kind of contact is linked to emotional closeness and higher sexual satisfaction for men as well as their partners.
You can also build intimacy through stroking, squeezing, hugging, and kissing your partner. These small, sensual acts are what make sex feel deeply intimate and connected.
Here’s a video of a couple, Jaiya and Ian, who share tips on how to practice sensual touch:
How Touch Repairs Attachment and Softens Conflict
If you’re married, it’s easy to feel like your relationship has gone into professional mode, where your main interaction now usually revolves around kids, bills, schedules, etc. There’s nothing wrong about it, but make sure to give each other time, and touch can act like a biological glue.
Because sensual touch can:
- Strengthen your relationship
- Buffer the impact of conflict and stress
- Make your relationship feel more satisfying
Even doing something as simple as a five-minute cuddle, back rub, or hand-holding is huge enough, instead of leaving everything in the bedroom. Also, as a man, this will make you feel less lonely.
From Just-Get-It-Done Sex to Sensual Touch
When you strip away the awkwardness and cultural baggage, sensual touch can give you tons of benefits, whether in the bedroom, physically, or even in your relationship.
You can start by cuddling, kissing, or holding each other’s hands. And when you’re in the bedroom, make sure to focus on the experience. Take a deep breath, as you’re not here to perform. Just feel.
And remember, receiving is as important as giving, and you will find satisfaction in it.
One of the best ways to explore sensual touch and enhance it is through the use of sex toys. Visit Beyourlover.com to find one that fits into your lifestyle.
