I’m about to share with you everything you need to know about erotic asphyxiation.
Porn and pop culture romanticize the idea of erotic asphyxiation, and it’s natural to be curious and want to experiment to spice things up in bed. But before you do anything, you need to learn more about this kink, because to tell you honestly, it’s not safe. It’s as simple as that.
However, I get it. For some people, the more dangerous it feels, the better, the hotter. So let’s trudge into this topic gently and learn the safest way (note that it’s still dangerous) you can practice it, or explore better alternatives to get the same thrill and effect.
What Is Erotic Asphyxiation?
Let’s start with the basics. Although you most likely have an idea of what this is, it’s important that we’re on the same page to understand what this kink is all about.
Erotic asphyxiation, also known as sexual choking or breath play, is a sexual kink practiced by some people, especially those who engage in BDSM. It involves restricting airflow or blood flow to the brain during sex to heighten arousal.
This can be done either with a partner or by yourself. When done with a partner, your partner may restrict your breathing either by light strangling with hands, a belt, scarves, or forearms.
Doing erotic asphyxiation by yourself is called autoerotic asphyxiation. This happens when you restrict your own breathing with a rope, cloth, or belt.
Erotic asphyxiation, no matter when you do it alone or with a partner, is still dangerous, but the risk is higher if you do it yourself. A study in 2016 says that the deaths in the US due to autoerotic asphyxia is 250 to 1000, and most are males.
Healthline says that there are three major reasons why some people find this hot:
Physiological
When airflow to the brain is restricted, it can cause a person to feel dizzy or lightheaded. Once the pressure is released and blood and oxygen start flowing again, the person may feel good due to the release of happy hormones such as endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine.
Psychological
As mentioned, erotic asphyxiation is often part of the BDSM kink. The power dynamic between the sub and the dom, combined with sexual choking, can feel arousing for some people.
Physical
According to Healthline, the rush of those happy hormones can create a positive feeling, when in reality it’s just the body’s natural defense mechanism against choking.
How Many People Have Tried This Before?
Because sex usually happens in private, the real number is difficult to pinpoint. However, research suggests it is most predominant among white men in North America. It’s also estimated that only about 5% to 10% of people involved in autoerotic practices or breath play engage in asphyxiophilia specifically.
This practice has become more mainstream due to porn and social media, making it easier for younger generations and couples to see it as normal. Still, your kink is your kink, and that’s okay. You just need to make sure you do it as safely as possible and preferably with a partner to lessen the risk.
Know the Risks (So You Can Respect the Danger)
You might argue that you always see it in porn, so it must be safe. I hate to break it to you, but this is just a myth. Porn won’t show you what you don’t want to see. It doesn’t show the behind-the-scenes or the fails.
Those who engage in it are porn actors and actresses who are paid to make it look like they enjoy the whole process.
Therefore, before you engage in it, it’s important that you know the downsides, which include the following:
- Bruising
- Dizziness
- Fainting
- Brain damage
- Stroke
- Seizures
- Trauma
- Risk of dependence
- Death
Harm Reduction
Remember, safer isn’t safe, but it helps to know how to at least reduce harm. Here are some tips on how to do it in a safer way.
Ask for Your Partner’s Consent
No means no. If your partner is not into it, don’t force it. Later, I’ll provide you with a list of safer sexual activities that you can explore.
Check Your Local Laws and Regulations
Even with your partner’s consent, it doesn’t mean that the law permits it. Some countries or states treat choking as assault even if done with consent.
Set Rules and Safe Words
Before you engage in it, talk with your partner. Use safe words, stop signals, and even an emergency plan. Set rules before starting and make sure to follow them. If your partner can’t speak, use tap-out or object-drop signals.
Constantly Check In
Checking in with your partner not only ensures their safety, it’s also sexy.
Prepare an Emergency Kit
Have safety tools nearby like safety shears and a first aid kit.
Keep Hands Light and Avoid the Windpipe
Be gentle and avoid prolonged pressure. Remember, it’s possible to cause death even with a short lapse. Use side pressure and stay away from the windpipe.
Never Do It Alone
If you do this alone, nobody will be there to give you first aid or call for help if things go wrong. You can achieve orgasm in so many ways without strangling yourself. Putting your life at risk for the sake of arousal or a powerful orgasm is not worth it.
Alternatives That Bring the Same Thrills Without the Danger
The goal is to achieve the same thrill without risking your partner’s life or yours. You can do this by:
Mimic Choking
Instead of strangling your partner or yourself with a rope or anything similar, you can mimic the gesture by putting light pressure on the chest or collarbones. You can also wrap your hands around the neck without squeezing, applying only light pressure.
Another option is safer breath play, such as briefly covering the mouth or experimenting with playful air control. Some people also enjoy breath play in the pool or bathtub, but remember to keep it light and safe.
Do Role-Play
Explore BDSM role-play with your partner by taking turns as dom and sub. Add a layer of dominant dirty talk. Use restraints, blindfolds, or a BDSM kit, to restrain your partner’s hands, feet, or sight. This creates a similar thrill and is much safer than choking.
Play on the Sensation
Instead of breath play, enhance the heat of the moment by playing with your partner’s senses. Try ice cubes or candle wax for temperature play. You can also use sex toys with multiple features, like the Devil Tongue, to stimulate several erogenous zones at once.
Remember Sexy, Smart, and Safe
Let’s be real. Thanks to porn and mainstream media, erotic asphyxiation can look exciting and thrilling. But the truth is, it comes with risks that sometimes you can’t come back from. That’s why it’s important to pause and really think before you dive in. And if you do decide to explore, never do it alone. Always make sure a trusted partner is there.
Pleasure is amazing, but it should never cost you your safety. The good news? Orgasms don’t depend on choking. Sex itself is an adventure, and there are countless ways to turn up the heat without putting your health on the line.
Switch things up with a new position, dip your toes into a little BDSM if you haven’t tried it yet, or bring in the right toys to take the experience to another level. If you’re looking for toys that actually spice things up, check out BeYourLover. You’ll find plenty of options to make your bedroom time unforgettable.
