Mutual Masturbation Is the Move Your Sex Life Has Been Missing

Do you find vanilla sex and foreplay boring already? If mutual masturbation is not in your bedroom to-do list, you’re missing out on something exciting.

Mutual masturbation is one of the easiest, lowest-pressure ways to explore pleasure together. No performing. No script. Just two people showing each other what feels good.

And nobody has to guess anymore. You just need the words to start, a clear yes from both of you, and permission to go at your own speed, then pleasure comes after.

So, What Is Mutual Masturbation?

Two people getting off at the same time, in the same space. That's the whole idea.

It can look like both of you with your own hands on your own bodies, watching each other. Or it can be hands on each other, both at once. Either counts.

It's not the same as solo masturbation, because your partner is right there with you. And it's not the same as you giving a hand job while they lie back and enjoy the ride. The "mutual" part means you're both in it. You're both getting something.

The Main Styles

• Side by side solo: you both touch yourselves. No contact needed at all.
• Hand-to-hand: you touch each other at the same time.
• Guided: one person moves the other's hand and says what feels good.
• Watch-only: one person goes for it, the other just watches. Great if you're shy. Zero pressure.
• Long distance: same thing, but over video or a voice call.

Who It's For

It’s almost for everyone. It works well for:

• Long-term couples stuck in a rut who want a new thing to try
• New couples who aren't ready to go all the way yet
• Partners with very different sex drives
• People healing after birth, surgery, or an injury
• Anyone on their period
• Anyone who wants zero pregnancy risk tonight

It also works for every mix of bodies and every orientation. There's no set-up. Two vulvas, two penises, one of each, any combo, all can participate.

Is This Normal?

The truth is it’s more normal than you think.

That 2023 journal study on couples found mutual masturbation was common and tied to higher sexual joy. 50.7% of couples had done it in the last two weeks.

And this isn't just a Western thing. A big population study out of Nigeria found mutual masturbation was more common than solo masturbation. 83.7% said they'd done it at some point since their first sexual time. Rates were higher in women than in men, with gaps by age and by rural or city living, too.

So if you thought you were the only one curious about this, you're in the majority.

Mutual masturbation was tied to good feelings and more sexual joy in couples. Solo masturbation, on the other hand, showed no clear link to sexual joy at all. Doing it together seems to be the part that matters.

Now the honest bit. Mutual masturbation feels good and it brings you closer, but don't count on it to fix how you feel about your body. That's a different job.

Why Couples Love It (7 Real Perks)

As mentioned, almost more than half of the couples in one study tried it in the past and the reasons they enjoyed the experience are:

You learn about your partner’s body even more 

You get a live demo of grip, speed, and pressure. No more guessing what they like. It’s also the same with your partner. 

You get to show to your partner what feels good for you. After all, showing is much easier than trying to explain it.

There's no pressure

No one needs to get hard. No one has to come. Both of you can enjoy the experience together to learn what stimulates each other.

The risk is very low

With no fluids swapped, there's no pregnancy risk and much less STI risk. 

It's great for tired nights

If you feel tired after a long day, mutual masturbation can give you some closeness if you feel that you want to be intimate with each other. There’s no need for extreme sex positions just to make love with them.

It works long distance

You can make each other feel good with a video or phone call. Add a remotely controlled sex toy to the mix, and you’ll feel like your partner is right beside you.

Ways To Make Mutual Masturbation Extra Hot

Although knowing how to do mutual masturbation is no-brainer, you can make it even hotter, and here’s how:

Eye contact

Look at each other. If full eye contact feels too intense, glance, smile, then look back at your own body.

Talk more than you usually do

Try: “I love how you look right now,” “This always gets me close,” “Tell me what you want to see me do next.”

Change positions

Side-by-side, face-to-face, one sitting up while the other lies back, one leaning against the wall while the other sits. Move until it feels natural.

Use toys if you want

Vibrators, strokers, or plugs can all be part of mutual play. It’s also an easy way to show each other how you like to use them.

Try themed nights

You can try roleplaying. You can also set them like no-penetration night, only hands night, or toy-play night. By doing so, you make your mutual masturbation experience feel more exciting.

For more information on how you can make your mutual masturbation hotter, here’s a video from Yes Tantra: 

Toys That Make Mutual Masturbation Better

For Her

• Bullet vibrator: small, cheap, easy to pass over. The best first shared toy, hands down.
• Clitoral suction toy: good if you take a while to come, so the watching stays fun instead of stretching on.
• Rabbit vibrator: hits inside and outside at once, so your partner can sit back and just enjoy the view.
• Wand massager: broad and strong. One person can hold it on the other while touching themselves.
• Remote or app-control vibrator — made for the long-distance version. One of you drives, one of you takes it.

For Him

• Stroker or sleeve: adds grip and a new feel, and it's a lot to look at from the other side of the bed.
• Cock ring: helps him stay hard through a longer, slower session.
• Prostate massager: for readers who want to add more once the basics feel easy.

One buying tip: start with one you both agree on. Not a whole set. You'll learn what you actually want after a few tries, and then you can spend real money on the right thing.

Safety: What Mutual Masturbation Can and Can't Prevent

As mentioned, no fluids swapped means no pregnancy risk, and much lower STI risk than sex with penetration. That's the big draw for a lot of people. But here’s what you keep in mind:

• Skin-to-skin bugs like herpes and HPV can still pass through touch and contact. Lower risk is not no risk.
• Semen or pre-cum on a hand that then goes near a vulva is a real pregnancy risk. Small, but real.
• Cuts, hangnails, and open sores raise the risk of passing things along. Trim your nails.
• Sharing a toy without cleaning it, or without a fresh condom on it, can pass an infection.

Hygiene Checklist

• Wash your hands before and after.
• Pee after, if you have a vulva. It cuts your UTI risk.
• Never go from butt to vulva with the same hand or toy.
• Use body-safe toys only.

FAQs: Common Questions Answered

Is mutual masturbation still sex?

It counts as sexual activity, yes. Whether it counts as sex is up to you and your partner. Plenty of people say yes. Plenty say no. Both are fine.

Can you get pregnant from mutual masturbation?

Not from touching alone. Risk shows up only if semen gets on or near the vulva, or on a hand that then touches it. Wash your hands and you've handled it.

Can you get an STI from it?

The risk is much lower than with penetrative sex, but it isn't zero. Skin-to-skin bugs and shared toys are the two gaps to watch.

How common is it?

The 2023 study found 50.7% of the couples involved in the research had done it in the past two weeks. The Nigerian study found 83.7% had ever done it more than solo masturbation in that group.

Is it okay if I still masturbate alone?

Yes. Solo and shared do two different jobs. You don't have to pick one.

Does it help with different sex drives?

Often, yes. It gives the lower-drive partner a low-effort way to be in the room and be part of it, with no pressure to match anyone's pace.

What if my partner says no?

Drop it. Thank them for being straight with you. You can ask again in a few months and see if they feel any different. A no now is not a no forever, but it's still a no now.

Can we do it if I'm on my period?

Yep. Lay down a towel, or take it to the shower. Nothing about this needs a clean slate.

How do we do it long distance?

Video call, decent light, headphones, and an app-control toy if you want one of you steering. Prop the phone up so you're not holding it. Trust us on that one.

Bottom Line

Mutual masturbation is common, it's low risk, and it's the fastest way to learn what your partner actually likes. Research ties it to more sexual joy for couples, and it asks almost nothing of you on a tired night.

So grab some lube and one small toy. Ask your partner tonight and get your private party started

Special Thanks To:

Dilan Kilic - Department of Psychology, University of Southampton

Yusuf Bello - College of Medicine, University of Ibadan, Ibadan, Nigeria

Dominique D’Vita - Yes Tantra YouTube Channel

Want to learn more? Read our guides to the truth about orgasm face, foreplay ideas that actually work, and first time sex

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