It’s easy to feel like your sex life is getting a little too routine, especially if you and your partner have been together for years. And when foreplay does happen, it’s often rushed or half-hearted, leaving the whole experience feeling one-sided or even unsatisfying for both of you.
According to GQ, 82% of the 819 people surveyed admitted they get bored during penetrative sex and just want to get it over with already.
But sex should never feel like a chore or a checkbox on your to-do list. It should be a shared, satisfying, and straight-up fun experience for couples or lovers. Without foreplay, it’s easy to feel distant or disconnected. And over time, that chemistry can start to fizzle.
The good news is you can bring that spark back. These foreplay ideas are designed to help you and your partner crave each other all over again.
Is Foreplay Needed?
Short answer: Absolutely.
According to a 2017 study, only 18.4% of 1,055 women (aged 18 to 94) said they consistently orgasm from intercourse alone. Most cis-women (aka women assigned female at birth and identifying as women) need clitoral stimulation to climax or to even enjoy sex at all. Which is why foreplay isn’t optional, it's needed.
Sure, biologically, sex is a way to make babies. But emotionally? Sex can be one of the most intimate, bonding experiences in a relationship. And one of the best ways to make it feel that way is foreplay.
Dictionary.com defines it as:
“Sexual stimulation of one’s partner, usually as a prelude to sexual intercourse.”
WebMD adds that "outercourse" is another term for foreplay or basically, any sexual activity that happens before penetration.
But foreplay doesn’t always have to be sexual. It can be as simple as slow dancing, locking eyes, or giving each other compliments. In fact in lesbian foreplay or LGBTQA+ sex as a whole, there’s just a thin line that separates foreplay and primary intercourse.
The bottom line is what counts as foreplay is different for everyone. So let’s call it what it really is: anything that turns your partner on.
What Are the Benefits of Foreplay?
Let’s start with the obvious: foreplay makes sex feel way more exciting. It gets both your body and your partner’s body ready for action, whether you’ve got a penis or a vagina
Foreplay increases blood flow to the penis and boosts natural lubrication in the vagina. The result? Hotter, smoother, and way less painful sex.
But that’s just the beginning. Foreplay is also a way to build intimacy and emotional connection. Even though it’s often treated like an appetizer before the “main course,” foreplay helps release oxytocin (that warm-and-fuzzy love hormone), along with feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin, which can help lower stress and boost your mood.
Plus, sex that starts with foreplay is more likely to be satisfying for both of you. Everyone wins.
How to Foreplay: 15 Mind-Blowing Foreplay Ideas You’ll Want to Try (No Practice Needed)
You don’t need a weekend retreat or a masterclass to spice things up. All it takes is a little effort, a dash of creativity, and a whole lot of feeling. Here are some foreplay ideas you can try tonight, no prep, no pressure, just pleasure:
1. Kissing and Touching
Kissing and touching are the OGs of erotic foreplay. Use your hands and lips to explore your partner’s body, especially those sensitive hot spots like the neck, nipples, booty, or even the armpits (yes, really). Just make sure to read their cues and check in about what feels good.
For many women, kissing is a huge turn-on. If things start to feel off or awkward at the moment, sometimes all it takes is one slow, deep kiss to bring the vibe back.
Kissing and cuddling are also a cornerstone of lesbian foreplay. Sometimes, it’s as simple (and sexy) as spooning during a Netflix sesh with tangled legs and slow caresses.
2. Sexting
Foreplay doesn’t have to start in the bedroom, it can begin with a flirty text during your coffee break. Send a sultry message, tease what you’re wearing (or not wearing), or even swap spicy photos if you’re both into it.
Just a heads up: always make sure you trust your partner, your phone is secure, and you’re not accidentally texting the group chat. (We’ve all been there.)
3. Do a Little Live Show
Masturbate in front of each other. Not only is it wildly hot, but it shows your partner exactly how you like to be touched.
You can also tease each other with a little dry humping, or take it up a notch with a solo strip tease. It doesn’t matter if you move like a pro or you dance like a noodle, a partner who wants you will be turned on either way.
4. Mirror or Video
If your partner is the visual type, mirror play can take your foreplay from steamy to scorching. Watch each other touch, undress, or make love while facing a mirror, or even record yourselves (safely and consensually, of course).
If you’re going the recording route, lock that file down tight. The last thing you want is to accidentally star in someone’s favorite adult site, unless that’s your thing, in which case, get it, starlet.
5. Use Toys
Foreplay becomes more interesting with toys. Use a vibrator to explore and tease sensitive areas of your partner’s body. You can use Beyourlover’s Usagi to tease your partner’s nipples and clit. If your partner has a penis, you can use it too to tease his balls and glans.
A suction toy can assist you with your foreplay too. Imagine kissing and exploring your partner’s with this toy that can tease your partner’s nipples.
6. Play Foreplay Games
Spice it up with a little friendly competition. There are tons of sexy couple’s games on the market from naughty card decks to dice challenges, but you can also DIY it.
Try strip poker, a naked Twister match, or create your own rules for truth or dare. Want to get a little kinkier? Add a sprinkle of BDSM elements like blindfolds, restraints, or spanking (with consent, of course).
7. Stimulate the Senses
Foreplay is a full-body experience and tapping into all five senses takes it to the next level.
Try a warm, flavored lube. Blindfold your partner and trail ice along their skin (yes, like in 50 Shades). Use a silk scarf to tie their hands. Or, if you’re feeling bold, drizzle a bit of candle wax for a sexy sting. Use candles designed for skin play to avoid burns.
8. Erotic Massage
Erotic massage is not just an erotic foreplay, it also builds intimacy and connection with your partner. Imagine you come home after a long, exhausting day, and your partner’s drawn a warm bath, lit some scented candles, scattered rose petals like a hopeless romantic, and capped it all off with a deep, grabby massage. What kind of alien wouldn’t melt for that?
Plus, massage helps relax your partner and ease the tension in their body. Start with their hands and feet, then slowly move toward more sensitive zones. Let your touch speak before your clothes do.
9. Shower or Bathe Together.
Before you both hop into the tub, check the water temp. Slightly warm is usually perfect, especially if you’re planning to be in there for a while (wink).
You can strip for each other slowly, teasingly, or help undress one another. While bathing, take your time exploring each other’s bodies. Wash their back. Lather up their hair. It’s sensual, relaxing, and the perfect prelude to more skin-on-skin fun.
10. Feed Each Other
Feeding each other can be sensual, especially if you pick the right treats. Think strawberries, grapes, or a bite of chocolate, not a bowl of spaghetti or a hard-shelled crab.
Keep it light, clean, and finger-friendly. You want to keep things sexy, not pause foreplay because you're trying to crack open a lobster tail. Also avoid anything too heavy, spicy, or gassy and your stomach will thank you mid-session.
11. Talk Dirty
Dirty talk is one of the fastest ways to heat things up. No hands required. You can start with flirty sexts earlier in the day, or whisper something naughty in your partner’s ear while giving it a playful nibble.
If you’re shy, start small. A soft “I want you so bad right now” goes a long way.
12. Explore Erotic Content
Watch porn. Listen to erotic audio. Read steamy stories together. It’s a great way to get turned on and pick up a few new ideas. Just be sure to talk about your boundaries first, like what you’re both comfortable watching, what’s off-limits, and what might be a definite turn-on.
The goal here is a shared moment of arousal, not a surprise argument over preferences.
13. Set the Mood
Before you even touch each other, take a minute to check your space. Light some candles, turn on mood music, and dim the lights. Add rose petals if you’re feeling fancy.
And for the love of all things, clean the room. Nothing kills the mood faster than dirty clothes scattered everywhere or a cockroach skittering across the ceiling while you’re in your birthday suit.
Silence your phone, finish your chores, and clear the space (physically and mentally). That way, your mind is fully in the moment, not on the pile of laundry in the corner.
14. Romantic Gestures
Foreplay doesn’t always have to be sexual. Small, meaningful romantic gestures can be foreplay too especially for women, who are often turned on emotionally before they’re turned on physically.
Dance in the living room. Plan a candlelit dinner. Whisper compliments into your partner’s ear. When your connection deepens emotionally, the physical heat will follow.
15. Eye Contact
Something as simple as eye contact can turn into full-blown foreplay. A soft, lingering gaze can send chills down your partner’s spine and build a strong emotional charge.
But don’t go full serial killer with the stare. Keep it gentle and natural. Let your emotions and desires guide your eyes and hold their gaze just long enough to say everything you’re feeling without saying a word.
Bonus Tips to Nail Foreplay
Now that you’ve got a handful of foreplay ideas up your sleeve, let’s take it up a notch. These bonus tips will help you nail the execution and have your partner melting in your hands.
Communicate
A lot of people, especially women, don’t always speak up when sex feels bland. Some even fake pleasure just to protect their partner’s ego or avoid awkward conversation. But let’s be honest. You both deserve better.
There’s no universal rule on how long foreplay should last. Some say 5 to 10 minutes, others 15 to 20, and a few claim a full hour is just right. But according to WebMD, the sweet spot is around 20 minutes.
Whatever your preference, the key is to talk about it. Chat about what you like, where your boundaries are, what gets you going, and what’s not. If your partner’s not super into foreplay, let them know why it matters to you. Help them understand how it primes your body for pleasure (and makes the whole experience hotter for both of you).
And don’t be shy about it. You’ve already gotten naked together for the main course. You deserve to speak up about how you like your appetizer served.
Be Sensitive to Non-Verbal Cues
Not everyone knows how to vocalize what feels good or what doesn’t. And even if you’ve talked, there are still things that might not come up in conversation.
So, pay attention. If your partner winces, tenses up, or suddenly pulls away, don’t just keep going. Pause. Check in. Ask how they’re feeling and let them know it’s okay to speak up.
Foreplay isn’t just about technique, it’s also about tuning in and making each other feel safe, wanted, and turned on.
Foreplay Isn’t Warm Up, It’s the Secret Saus for an Amazing Sex Life
Foreplay doesn’t just get things started, it also keeps the entire experience smoking hot from beginning to end.
Use foreplay to help your partner feel desired before the main event. But also keep it going during sex. Think kissing, touching, hair-pulling, a little spanking if you're both into it.
And don’t forget the afterplay. Yes, that’s a thing. It’s what you do post orgasm, like cuddling, whispering sweet nothings, or sharing snacks in bed, that makes the connection even stronger.
Foreplay is what turns sex from “meh” into “wow”.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Oral Sex Foreplay?
It depends on your intention. For many, oral sex is part of foreplay. But for others, especially in LGBTQIA+ communities, it can be the main event.
Do Men Enjoy Foreplay?
Absolutely. While some men may not need as much foreplay to get going, most of them enjoy it. It boosts arousal, enhances blood flow to the penis, and makes the whole experience more exciting for everyone involved.
What Foreplay Do Men Like?
Foreplay for men is often driven by touch and visuals. Think striptease, a slow grind, or even walking in wearing sexy lingerie.
You can also turn him on by touching his neck, ears, inner thighs, or even armpits (yep, some guys are into that).
Explore and experiment. What works for one guy might be “meh” for another.
Is Fingering Foreplay?
Same answer as oral sex: it depends. If it’s done as a lead-up to intercourse, it’s foreplay. But for many, especially in lesbian or queer sex, fingering is the main event. So again, it’s less about labels and more about what turns you on.
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