“So whenever my partner says ‘yes’, here’s what happens next.”
So today, we’re diving deep into the minds (and well, the vulvas) of those who know best. Yep, vulva owners are here to spill the tea on what really lights their fire in bed.
You can just forget that boring advice. Because this unfiltered scoop on what gets them going, because honestly, who’s the better person to ask?
For now, grab a snack, get comfy, and prepare for some surprising, hilarious, and maybe even a little naughty insight that you won’t hear anywhere else!
How Penis and Vulva Owners Differ When It Comes to Arousal?
So you’ve probably heard that penis and vulva owners get turned on in totally different ways. And it’s not just a stereotype!
Because, in fact, it’s actually backed by science. According to an article from The Inquisitive Mind, penis owners are constantly interested in sex, while vulva owners often come as unpredictable.
And because the sex hormones flowing through each body aren’t the same, vulva owners mostly run on estrogen and progesterone, while testosterone does the heavy lifting for their counterparts.
It can only show how these hormone differences shape the whole sexual experience and make every mood pretty distinct.
So What Triggers a Vulva Owner’s Mood For Sex?
Ready for that secret to put your partner with a vulva in the right mood?
It’s not a paradox, and it’s so simple. It might mean ditching that phone and having a real conversation before you even hit the bedroom. It’s way more effective than just lighting some candles and calling it a day.
But don’t forget the power of “choreplay” (yep, it’s a thing!). Doing so can give the house the space to relax, which, honestly, can do wonders for your partner’s mood and desire.
And once your partner with vulva feels good about themself, the vibes just naturally follow.
Your Hormones Can Affect Your Desire and Pleasure
Hormones can play a big role in sexual desire and arousal of vulva owners.
For example, estrogen can help boost lubrication and libido, while higher progesterone can likely result in a much lower desire.
But for testosterone, it can be unclear how it affects sex drive for people with vulvas. And low levels might lessen the feeling of desire.
So, testosterone therapy isn’t always as effective and can even cause side effects like mood swings or unwanted hair growth.
Hormonal balance can also affect overall health by:
- Causing irregular periods
- Acne
- Hair growth
- Vaginal dryness
- Mood swings
- Hot flashes
- Fatigue
How do you fix a hormonal imbalance? Well, it really depends on what’s causing it.
If your hormone levels are too low, doctors will usually recommend hormone replacement therapy.
That can mean taking pills or getting shots, which can likely depend on which type of hormone you’re missing.
For example, if your thyroid doesn't work as it should be, you’d probably be advised to take thyroid hormone pills. But if it’s a growth hormone issue, shots are usually the way to go, as stated by the Cleveland Clinic.
The Qualities Vulva Owners Admire During Sex
If you want to step up your game, here are some qualities that many vulva owners will likely appreciate during sex.
- Consent - This one’s non-negotiable. Always make sure your partner is 100% comfortable and enthusiastic, no exceptions.
- Communication - The best sex comes when you’re both open about what you want, what feels good, and what’s off-limits.
- Foreplay - Don’t rush things! Many vulva owners love it when you spend time kissing, touching, and even building that delicious anticipation.
- Variety - Switch positions, locations, or try something new.
- Oral Sex - Yes, this one’s often a big hit. So you better take the time to learn what your partner loves and be generous with it.
- Focus on Pleasure - Always make your partner’s pleasure a priority, not just your own.
- Aftercare - The magic doesn’t stop after sex, because you can cuddle, chat, or just hang out to keep that connection strong.
Here are the Top Turn-Ons Vulva Owners Can Never Resist (And Always Want in Bed)
If you're ready for the real deal, then let’s get straight to it!
The Dirty Talk
Just imagine, your partner speaks, while whispering sexy things you kinda can’t fully respond to (because your mind’s too busy to reach that big O), so it's like a mix of mystery and intimacy.
A vulva owner also said that their partner’s low, whispered dirty talk sounds truly sizzling in bed.
Let’s Talk About Temperature Play
Because it’s hotter than you think!
Ashley shared this wild experience where a person asked, “Ever played with ice?” Initially, they hadn’t, but decided to go for it.
The partner had them lie down and slowly traced an ice cube all over their body. They started with non-sexual spots, then moved to their neck and boobs. And the giving partner follows up with soft kisses.
The slow, teasing chill was like delicious torture, which built up the tension big time.
Next Up, the Fantasy Fulfillment
Natalie just loves it when their partner totally vibes with their fantasies by saying yes instead of shutting them down.
It makes them feel sexy, so they can pull off their own imagination as a sexual being.
Perfect for the Digital Age, the Memo Sexting
For memo sexting, Elizabeth shared how the person they were texting started sending them voice notes. But it wasn’t just any messages. It was full-on sexy stories about them having sex, and they were sent in chapters.
Elizabeth’s chatmate writes everything themself. And they got all the details about what Elizabeth loves and what turns them on.
And the latest chapter? Being tied up and blindfolded. The combo of their voice and the steamy content got Elizabeth hooked on replaying those messages over and over.
How About Some Filthy Gestures?
Probably number one on Mina’s list, it’s all about those super sweet moves, but mixed with whispering some naughty stuff in the ear.
Especially when out in public, they can talk about heating things up in unexpected places for later.
Surprise Them With PDA
After making some naughty gestures in public, don’t be shy about making public displays next.
You can try pressing your partner against the wall, kissing them hard, and whispering exactly what you’re planning to do to them later. Catch them off guard!
Acts of Service
Acts of service definitely made Amanda’s list. Yep, by doing chores around the house.
Amanda’s partner just pitches in with the everyday stuff, and it can be a major turn-on for a partner. Because sometimes, the little things say it all.
That Quiet Confidence, Though
Number one on Gabrielle’s list (and should be yours as well)? It’s the quiet confidence.
Gabrielle says they can smell insecurity from a mile away. And as a polyamorous person, they have no time for that.
What really turns them on is a partner who’s calm and sure of themself. Like, they have no need to prove anything, and that vibe carries right into the bedroom, too.
Gabrielle loves it when a partner waits patiently for them and lets all that built-up tension explode.
The teasing, letting them feel in control, then taking charge, that will always be the secret sauce for them.
Your Morning Goal
Becca’s partner woke them up by slowly running their hands all over them and whispering, “Come play with me,” right in their ear. Talk about starting the day on a seriously steamy note!
Definitely a wake-up you don’t wanna miss.
Take Control
Alex keeps it simple, and by taking control in bed, it’s gonna be a total turn-on.
And the funny thing is, it’s the complete opposite of what they want in real life.
Because sometimes, switching things up is the only thing that you need.
Breast Stimulation Can Be a Game Changer
One person shared how their partner played with their boobs while on their period, and it actually gave them a mind-blowing “boob-gasm” and even eased their cramps.
A Simple Foot Rub
Leah’s got a favorite move that's simple but super effective.
Just watching TV, and out of nowhere, their partner starts giving them a foot massage even if they’re not asking for it.
This thoughtful surprise can be super sexy and instantly relaxing.
How Your Past Shapes Your Sex Life (And Why It Matters)
Your past will always play a huge role in how you see and feel about sex today.
Everything you’ve been through, from past relationships to early lessons about sex, even the cultural stuff or tough experiences, builds what you expect and how you react in the bedroom.
Good vibes from positive experiences? Then these experiences can likely boost your confidence because you’ve always perceived intimacy as an easy and fun thing.
But if you’ve had rough or confusing moments, like heartbreak or shame, it can make you feel somehow nervous or hesitant when it comes to sex.
But the coolest part is, being aware of this connection only means that you can break old patterns and rewrite your story.
You get to decide how you want your sex life to look. It can be safe, exciting, and totally your own.
The Power of Self-Exploration
Alright, let’s talk about toys made for vulva owners and why they’re absolute game changers for self-exploration.
And the real power of these toys? They put you in the driver’s seat of your own pleasure. As they let you discover what you truly want, without any pressure or expectations.
From vibrators, lickers, to suction stimulators, and everything in between, they're designed to learn about your body using different sensations, speeds, and rhythms.
And do you know that self-exploration doesn’t just boost confidence for vulva owners?
Because, as stated in an article from Women’s Health Network, masturbation can even help prevent infections, coronary disease, and even type-2 diabetes.
Why Vulva Health is Key for Better Sexual Experiences
Let’s get real: taking care of your vulva isn’t just about hygiene. But the secret has always been making it holistically healthy.
When your vulva is healthy, you’re:
- More comfortable
- Less prone to irritation or infections
- Your body can fully enjoy the sensations during intimacy
So to maintain good vulva health, you can do things like:
- Using gentle cleansers
- Wearing breathable fabrics
- Be mindful of any changes or discomfort
Because when you listen to your body and keep things balanced, sex feels better, more natural, and of course, way more fun.
Proudly Own Your Pleasure!
Your pleasure is powerful and totally yours to own. Whether you’re trying new toys, owning your past, or finding what really gets you going, you can choose to celebrate every step of the way.
But if you’re ready to level up, you can hit up BeYourLover for all the hottest, top-notch toys to help you explore and own your pleasure like a boss.
Special Thanks To:
- Andreas Baranowski, Writer, The Inquisitive Mind
- Rudolf Stark, Writer, The Inquisitive Mind
- Sharon Stills, Writer, Women’s Health Network
- The Authors of Cleveland Clinic
