You’re wondering how often do loving couples have sex in their marriage. What factors come into play and ways to keep things fresh. Let’s find out.
How Much Sex Do Couples Have in Marriage?
Understanding how often married couples can feel so daunting for us. Like we’re in a maze of different experiences and expectations. Because each partnership is unique. But how often do couples in marriage have sex?
Here’s a window into the sexual habits of 660 married couples. Based on the General Social Survey’s study. If you’re married, how often do you get intimate? In what group do you think you belong to?
- 25% of married couples are having weekly sex
- 16% of couples get intimate 2 to 3 times a week
- 5% of them have sex 4 or more times weekly
- 17% are having monthly sex
- 19% of married couples have sex 2 to 3 times a month
- 10% didn’t engage sexually for about a year
- 7% of them had sex once or twice within the previous year
You can see that there’s a variation in sexual frequency. There are plenty of things that can affect your sex life. Often or not, the most important thing is partners feeling connected and satisfied isn’t it? Quality over quantity.
Up next, what factors can affect frequency of sex in your marriage?
What Affects Sexual Frequency in Married Couples?
Sex in your marriage is connected to different aspects of your life. If you know how to navigate your sexual rhythm, you can enjoy intimacy without judgement or comparison. Let’s take a look at those factors.
Age and Biological Changes
As years go by, your sexual desire is gonna evolve. Aging with hormonal changes, menopause or dropping testosterone levels are just a few that can affect your libido. Slower arousal, less spontaneous desire are normal.
Nope. It doesn’t mean that intimacy in your marriage will also fade. You may just need a different kind of approach to connect sexually.
Overall Health
Your health directly impacts your appetite for sex. Conditions, medications are stuff that make sex quite challenging for you or your spouse. Your mental health and self-image can also affect your willingness to have some sexy time.
But here's the good news dear. A good diet plan. Exercise. Regular check-ups too (for your physical and mental wellness). Those will help you navigate issues. So you can enjoy sex in your marriage.
Stress and Life Demands
Being married ain’t no walk in the park right? Busy schedules, financial concerns and parenting can get in the way of your intimate life as a married couple.
Because of your fully-booked calendar, your energy becomes a scarce, depleting resource. In Parenting, you’re going to have less privacy, less sleep. Less chance to get sexual with your partner.
Fatigue can rear its unpleasant head. Making sex feel like another chore. By approaching your sex life with compassion, you can still enjoy intimate moments in your marriage to take that cortisol level down.
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Emotional Connection
When you’re in a sexual situation, you’re not hyper-focused on the physical stuff. You’re also emotionally and mentally experiencing it. If you’re feeling desired and cared for, the frequency of your encounters will increase.
The same goes for your partner. You might feel negatively about sex when there are unresolved conflicts, resentment in your marriage. The frequency of sex can drastically drop. Even when you’re doing the act, it’s gonna feel mechanical.
Relationship Duration and Lifestyle
When you’re in the honeymoon phase, you’re going to be more sexually active. The novelty, the excitement of it all, you know. After some time, that novelty may fade. Things become routine-like.
But if you share the same interests with your partner, you can combat the monotony. Hobbies do make you feel closer. As a sweet bonus, your shared experiences can make sex feel super exciting again.
Cultural and Social Influences
Norms you grew up on. Cultural practices and religious beliefs. Those can influence and shape your attitude towards sex. As an individual and as a married couple. Some traditions would encourage you to practice restraint.
Some traditions do want you to be more sexually active. Boils down to you and your partner taking a balanced approach on things. Without compromising your values and your real sexy desires.
How Much Sex is Enough in Your Marriage?
We all have different preferences and personalities. Your libido as a married couple is dependent on the factors mentioned above. No exact number or frequency will dictate if you’re having just enough, less or too much.
Because there are so many things to consider here. The real question is how much sex are you willing to have? Here’s a video from relationship counsellor Laura How where she talks about sex in marriage.
Expressing the importance of sex as one of your emotional needs. You and your partner must have the enthusiastic kind of generosity to increase and meet your desires as a married couple. Bridging the gap if there’s one.
Give it a watch!
How to Keep Intimacy Fresh in Your Marriage?
No matter how often you’re having sex in your marriage, you should feel connected. Feel seen and desired. Here are some ways you can revisit that honeymoon phase. Keeping that awesome spark alive.
Communicate Openly and Honesty
A simple, powerful way to keep intimacy alive. Communicating with your partner. Share your desires. your fears and fantasies. Without judgement. Ask about trying new things.
Even short, honest convos will help you a lot in building emotional closeness. While also reducing misunderstandings in your marriage.
Schedule Quality Time Together
Your busy life can sometimes sideline your sexy moments. Gotta schedule quality time together. Date night! Weekend morning or evening walks too. Make your intention and schedule create space for closeness in your marriage.
Experiment and Be Playful
Try new things! A new position. Or build anticipation by sexting. Make it playful. You can wear costumes. Grab some naughty toys. Playtime is so much fun with toys isn’t it? Don’t sweat the hunt for your sexy playthings.
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Prioritize Touch
Create a safe, loving space for sex by holding hands, cuddling or lots and lots of gentle rubs. Touches help you release oxytocin. A hormone that can strengthen your bond. Paving the way for your sexual connection.
Make Room for Emotional Intimacy
Your emotions are involved when you’re having sex. Especially if you’re a married person. Be an active listener. Show appreciation. Support, encourage each other. These will organically trigger your sexual appetite.
It’s important to be seen and heard in your partnership. It’s a give and take type of deal. Not one way. Don’t treat sex like it’s a chore you get over with. When you feel emotionally cared for, your intimate moments are gonna be more fulfilling.
Keep Your Energy, Your Health in Mind
You’re not feeling too sexy when you’re burning out. Dealing with so much in your life. But hold on, just a minute. Don’t forget about these important things. Healthy diet. Exercise. Manage your stress. Get rested as well.
It’s nice to be in a partnership where health comes first. Go and make an appointment with your doc. To prevent any issues from getting worse. When your health is in top shape, your sexual desire and wellness will naturally follow.
Create Connection Rituals
Your small, warm gestures can ignite intimacy in your marriage. A good morning kiss. Maybe a whispered compliment. Or just sharing a cup of coffee in silence while you’re enjoying the breeze and sunlight.
No need for grand, cinematic rituals. Those simple moments in your connection can keep the spark alive. And awaken your sexual desires once more. Regardless of your age or length of your relationship.
Simple interactions can still be sexy don’t you think?
Experience Adventures Together
Undust the hobbies you used to enjoy in the past. Revisit your favorite places. Or you can try doing new things. Don’t let your married life get dull. Can’t afford to let that fire go out. Explore new territories.
By enjoying activities and places with your partner, you’re making your connection extra special. Camping, cooking lessons, a concert of your favorite artist, whatever it is . Let your partner join you.
These non sexual situations can still trigger your feelings of desire. Leading you to a private spot. A spot where you can get naughty and sweet all over again.
Be Proactive When You Face Challenges
When libido drops in your marriage, take proactive steps. Let’s say you’re facing health issues, marital conflicts. Instead of resorting to negative energy of resentment or defeat, be a team here. Married folks face challenges from time to time.
Make an appointment with your doc or counselor. Showing care about your connection would mean so much. Giving up without even trying to solve challenges together could hurt the partnership you’ve built.
Celebrate Each Other
You’re used to subtle ways of showing care. But doing it more openly, boldly once in a while would be nice as well! Express your gratitude, appreciation. Acknowledge what you love about each other.
Reignite that fire (the good kind of fire) in your evolving marriage. Show your love with sincere words. Supported by actions. A lovely meal while you’re on a date? Nice. A gift and a handwritten letter? Awesome too!
That’s what your partnership is all about. Making each other feel seen, heard, appreciated, celebrated. Both of you matter here. Oh hey! Speaking of gifts. Gifts that you and your partner can enjoy.
During your private, lovey-dovey time, sex toys are gonna add loads and loads of fun!
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Affectionate acts will get your sex hormones going. Leading you both to your love nest. Don’t hold back. Let that positive energy rule. So you can both have a very passionate time with your spouse.
Closing Thoughts
Each couple you meet can have a unique intimate journey. You’re probably having less or more sex compared to another marriage. But don’t let statistics or comparison put pressure on your relationship.
Sure, some patterns are gonna show up as you age. Or as your circumstances change. To have a great sexual connection with your spouse, keep mutual understanding, respect and effort in mind.
Embrace communication so your intimate moments would make you both feel fulfilled. Not just physically. But emotionally as well. You can still feel like you’ve just tied the knot. Even if you've been married for a while.
Ignite that passionate flame in your marriage as if you’re on a honeymoon once again. Regardless of the frequency. Again, focus on quality. Not so much on the numbers.
Special Thanks To:
Laura How - Relationship Coach/Counsellor
