If this is the first time you’ve heard about orgasm denial, you might wonder, why would someone deny themself the pleasurable, awesome feeling of the Big O?
But that’s what makes sex super exciting! And it can be a great feeling once your partner is on the brink of exploding, then denying them completely.
Are you ready to ditch your boring board games to make your date nights a bit naughtier?
What Does an Orgasm Denial Even Mean?
For starters, it’s safe to say that orgasm denial is like a sex game between couples where the dominant partner has the control.
To make things simpler, during orgasm denial, you or your partner can be denied an orgasm for a specific period or just not orgasm at all.
But do you know that orgasm denial is also possible when flying solo? Denying yourself some climax is also a great way to prevent yourself from masturbating too much, especially at times when the activity starts to get too addicting.
Although it can be weird for some folks, like, why would you deny yourself that awesome feeling? Well, for some couples, giving up control to a dominant partner can be hot and arousing.
Denying pleasure can also cause things to build up, so if you include orgasm denial during your intimate moments, guaranteed—the epic, final finish will be super worth it!
Can Orgasm Denial Be Part of BDSM?
Well, if you or your partner enjoys this kink, absolutely, orgasm denial is a great addition for your BDSM play!
If you’re the dominant partner, ruining the orgasm of your sub is a great example of punishment during play—it’s like a way to remind them who owns their body.
Orgasm denial works best for people with submissive tendencies, and according to a personal story shared by CoffeeandKink, denying yourself of getting off helps you become more aware of how you feel about your body—rather than just always being horny.
And when denying someone the awesome feeling of orgasm, some kinksters even enjoy using devices such as chastity belts or cock cages to add more torture. But some people can find these items to be more annoying than painfully pleasurable.
Will Orgasm Denial Work for Everyone?
For people with vulvas, who are considered to have a lower sex drive than people with penises, orgasm denial can give them an advantage.
But for folks who are having a hard time reaching an orgasm, then, it’s a different story. People who have difficulty having a blast because of their lower sex drive can find orgasm denial boring.
If you’re part of the club, don’t give up just yet. You’re the best person who knows your body to begin with. So, it’s best to give it a go first and find better ways to help you boost your sex drive.
But do you know that having a low libido can be a result of many factors? As stated by Dr. Chelsea Holland, stress, medication, body pain, and a negative body image can affect a person’s level of sex drive.
So, initially addressing these factors can be beneficial for someone, as it can help improve the way they feel and perceive sex.
Orgasm Denial Games to Try With Your Partner
When spending too much time with your partner, things getting a little stale can be unpreventable, especially in the long term. So, orgasm denial games are great methods to switch things up every once in a while.
Are you ready to get out of your vanilla routine?
Edging
Imagine this: you’re riding a roller coaster that gives you a quite intense yet enjoyable ride. But before that big drop came, the speedy motion was paused while you were at the very top.
This is what edging feels like. It’s a fun way to extend pleasure by making sex or solo play last longer.
Once you or your partner is so close to reaching an orgasm, you might want to try slowing things down before reaching that edge of pleasure.
And after giving you or your partner a short break, you build things up again. And when it’s finally time to let go, it makes the climax feel more amazing!
How to Try This
Ready to give edging a go?
- Listen to your body first—by noticing signs that you’re almost reaching an orgasm. If you’re doing edging with your partner, you can always tell them what makes you feel good and the pleasure signals to look for.
- When you’re close, you can pause the action by stopping or slowing down. You can also switch to using some lighter touches or just relax for the moment.
- By using different touches, speeds, or even love toys, you can keep things interesting, so the build-up can feel more exciting.
- You can go for this cycle a few times more. Build up, pause, and build up again. The final release will be super intense because of the feeling of anticipation.
Why Try Edging?
- Edging gives more control and makes everything last longer to avoid finishing too soon.
- Because of the buildup, it can result in bigger and much better orgasms.
- During the activity, the couples can find out about what they like to give and receive during intimacy.
Countdown Game
As the name suggests, the countdown game can make anticipation better and the final moment feel more amazing.
How to Play the Countdown Game
- First, set the timer according to how long you want the game to last. You can discuss with your partner how long the countdown would be, as it can range from 10 minutes to even the whole day, depending on your preferences. But during this time, always remember that no one is allowed to orgasm until the countdown is already over.
- While waiting, you can give or receive some teasing with your partner using gentle words and playful touches. The longer that you wait for it, the more tasteful the final result will be.
- Make sure that you and your partner are comfortable by consciously giving each other attention. If anything feels too much for you or your partner, you can change the rules, and keep in mind that the goal is for the both of you to have fun.
Tips to Make the Experience Much Better
- Before anything else, consent and communication are important to set some boundaries. It’s also great if you decide on using a safe word for this.
- You can also remind your partner how much time is left to build some suspense.
- To make things more fun, you can use a special word once it’s finally time to orgasm. You can also try stopping, starting, and extending the countdown to make things more challenging.
Deny Orgasm Using Toys
Ready to play with some toys? Using toys to deny pleasure can be full of surprises!
Toys to Amp Up Your Orgasm Denial Game
- Chastity Devices - You can think of these items as a pleasure lock for a delicious game of “how long can you wait?” Whether made from metal or silicone, wearing one can feel thrilling, because the power will always depend on the keyholder who controls it.
- Vibrators - Vibrators aren’t just made for solo play because they’re also made to tease your partner endlessly. And you’re in luck if you choose app-controlled toys to keep your partner on the edge from across the room (and even during outdoor play).
- Blindfolds and Ice Cube Combo - Sometimes, the simplest toys you can find are enough to do the job. By using blindfolds, you can cut off your partner's sight and enhance their other senses, and if you want to make their body more sensitive, you can always try the shocking coolness of an ice cube. And while you're at it, you might want to add more thrill by using BDSM bondage kits to add more intensity.
Few Tips to Keep Things Safe and Sexy
- Try to choose toys that are made from body-safe materials and use safe words or signals. Because opting for toys with BPA, rubber, or even TPE can pose health risks, as mentioned by Dr. Paavas Sharma.
- Be patient and build things slowly by using low-vibration settings first to prevent your partner from feeling overwhelmed at the onset.
Obedience Game
If you want to add more trust aside from excitement in your relationship, then this orgasm denial game is for you, and it can be a fun way to mix submission and control by giving commands and earning rewards.
How to Jump In and Enjoy the Ride
- Initially, you and your partner should create rules to make things clear. Decide what you guys should do and avoid doing. It could range from the most simple commands to holding certain actions.
- You can also include some fun challenges in your play just by letting your partner do some household chores or personal tasks. And each time your partner follows the rules and finishes a task, they can score some points.
- Use some apps to track your progress, or just get a simple notebook to keep the score and keep track of the points and sweet rewards. Rewards can range from their favorite meal to a special date night or the much-awaited orgasm to keep the game exciting.
- Once a rule gets broken, you can give your partner an agreed punishment, like doing more extra tasks or losing a privilege.
Don’t Forget the Aftercare
After your gaming session, it’s best to slow down, cuddle, and share what you feel. Because this cozy downtime can help make you both feel safe, loved, and much closer.
The Random Chance Denial
Are you looking to add a bit of mystery to your orgasm denial game? The random chance denial is an awesome way to keep things fresh and full of surprise—by leaving everything to chance!
Chance Games You Can Try
- Roll the Dice or Draw a Card - For this game, you can grab some dice or a deck of cards and let luck take the wheel. What’s next? Roll a six? Could this mean that you can’t come off for six days? Or how about drawing a two—for two fiery sessions of play with no climax? You’ll always wonder what’s coming next!
- Use a Random Alarm - For this one, surprise is the secret ingredient. You can use a timer or alarm to crank up some suspense, and not knowing exactly when the countdown ends will leave you wondering if your intimacy is an uncertain race.
- A Little Friendly Rivalry - If you and your partner want to be in control, then why not challenge each other with fun tasks and games, where the winner can decide? You can toss a coin, keep a score, or you can even create your own challenges to make the stakes higher and rewards even sweeter.
Enjoy the Journey of Orgasm Denial Together
Mastering orgasm denial games is a fun way to build trust and connect with your partner—or even with yourself! Whether you're teasing using sex toys, playing obedience games, or adding a twist of chance, it’s highly advisable to keep things safe, exciting, and full of communication.
The real magic happens during the moments of anticipation, and it’s best to take your time and listen to each other first before diving into this new journey.
And once you do, orgasm denial becomes more than just a game, because it becomes a powerful method to elevate pleasure and strengthen the bond with your partner or even with yourself.
Special Thanks To:
- Thomas Ellis, Psy. D., Writer, Bad Girls Bible
- Dr. Chelsea Holland, DHS, MS, Sex Writer and Podcaster, Dr. Chelsea Page
- CoffeeAndKink, Writer, Girl on the Net
- Dr. Paavas Sharma, Health and Sex Writer, Allo Health
