When it comes to lesbian intimacy, some people can find it tricky, and it can feel like you’re learning a new skill that you haven’t encountered before.
Especially if you’re a first-timer, the hurdles you need to overcome can somehow feel overwhelming. But remember, with a sense of openness, communication, and practice, things will eventually become more spontaneous.
Everything shouldn’t focus on technique alone because having a deep connection with your partner is more important, and by giving each other mutual respect, the couple will have a more satisfying relationship—for sure.
What is Lesbian Foreplay?
During lesbian sex or foreplay, an emotional and physical intimacy that mostly occurs between both people with vulva happens. And when compared with heterosexual intimacy—which focuses more on penetration—with lesbians, they tend to work on the clitoris and other pleasurable areas.
This may come off as too broad for some folks, but that’s the best thing about it! Because of the possibilities, lesbian intimacy can give a rich variety of delightful experiences.
Lovemaking is also not limited to particular activities. As it can include manual stimulation, oral sex, and even the use of sex toys like this Magic Suitcase. So, you can upgrade your intimate moments—whenever and wherever.
And just like in any relationship, mutual consent will always play a role, especially when finding the best stuff that works best for the couple.
What You Need to Know About Lesbian Foreplay
Okay, first things first. Lesbian foreplay doesn’t have to always happen between people with two vulvas, because this type of foreplay is possible to even happen with people who are bisexual, queer, or even pansexual.
Even the non-binary or even genderqueer people will always count, as long as they describe themselves as lesbians. So, to put it simply, a person who describes themself as lesbian can have lesbian foreplay and sex.
emanekaf00, a Reddit user, shared their story about dating as a trans woman lesbian. And they stated that gender was never a one-size-fits-all for everyone, and currently, they’d found the right person that makes everything feel so right.
The Most Common Myths About Lesbian Sex and Foreplay
There might be a lot of misconceptions going around about lesbian foreplay, and these thoughts can lead to unnecessary confusion and pressure.
First, the most common mix-up when it comes to lesbian pleasure is that it can be less satisfying than heterosexual sex. Because most people believe that when sex comes into the picture, penetration should be involved.
But on the contrary, lesbian couples are reported to have a higher sexual satisfaction rate when compared to straight couples.
In fact, in a study made by National Health Statistics Reports, people who see themselves as lesbians achieved orgasm 86% of the time during lesbian sex, when compared with 65% for straight women.
Another myth about lesbian intimacy is that it often comes with certain roles, such as the “butch” or dominant partner and the “femme” or the submissive one.
But as a matter of fact, lesbian partners can always switch roles, or there might be no roles in the relationship at all!
And lastly, another myth is the misconception of not having real orgasms. We can derive this thought from the lack of understanding of the female anatomy and the satisfaction clitoral stimulation can give.
Some Tips to Get You Started—Especially If You’re a First-Timer
If you’re new to lesbian foreplay, it’s a normal feeling to get intimidated. But as long as you get to understand the basics, there’s no need to worry. And you can share the following tips with your partner as well to help you get started.
Communicate
If you want a successful relationship, whether emotionally or sexually, open communication with your partner will always be the foundation.
So, when dating as a lesbian, discussing your desires with your partner, as well as your expectations and boundaries, is necessary.
You can start by talking about what the both of you enjoy and encourage each other to express your feelings without any judgment, because aside from communicating, listening is also equally important.
Set the Mood
For this one, you can spend time together before engaging in any sexual activity. You might want to share a meal first, cuddle, or just talk about anything, as this can help build some emotional intimacy so you can feel more connected.
Using the right atmosphere can also involve some light dimming and choosing the right scents, as this can make the both of you feel more relaxed and attuned to each other.
Explore
The most essential part of lesbian foreplay? Exploring each other’s bodies.
You can start by offering each other some gentle kisses and give love by focusing on their ears, inner thighs, and neck.
Try to ask your partner about what they want as well, and provide feedback about what feels nice for you.
Prepare
Just forget everything that you saw when you watched porn, because you’re not doing a performative sex act that’s intended for men to watch.
To prepare your bodies, it’s nice to keep things a little trimmed or shaved. And please, cut your nails! Because scratching your partner wouldn’t feel nice.
And remember, your tongue isn’t the only thing you can use when going down on each other, because you can use your fingers and love toys. But in case of an emergency, you can always depend on a fruit or veggie (food play, anyone?).
Prevent STI Transfers
Just like any sexual contact, lesbian foreplay or sex can give you a risk for STI transfers, especially if you’re having vulva-on-vulva sex. So, to prevent transferring or getting STIs, you can check these tips:
- Protect yourself by using dental dams, but if they’re not available, you can use condoms that are cut in half to give you barrier protection.
- Get yourself or a partner tested if there are cuts or sores in your lips or mouth.
- And remember to always clean your hands before and after foreplay or sexual contact.
- Before and after using your toys, it’s also best to clean them thoroughly.
- After doing some vaginal or anal play and you decide to switch the stimulation, or vice versa, it’s best to use another fresh dental dam for another activity.
How to Lesbian Foreplay
Do you know that there’s a clever spin for the word foreplay? It’s chore play—and this is about pleasing your partner in non-sexual ways.
And as stated by Adrienne Santos-Longhurst of Healthline, foreplay can even trigger physiological responses to make sex way better.
Flattering
In lesbian foreplay, giving pleasure can always start with nice words, and the more flattering, the better. You can say to your partner that they look great in dresses or how pretty they look without makeup.
You can always say the nicest things to them whenever it crosses your mind—even outside the bedroom.
Flirt
Flirting can be part of foreplay, too! You can smile or wink at your partner, and sometimes you can ask to dance with them. But well, if you find yourself as a terrible dancer, you can tickle, play rough, or even wrestle with your partner instead, as long as you can keep things consensual.
Have Fun
Who says things should be serious? You can have fun by making your partner laugh. Be silly. Appreciate the smallest, joyful things, and who knows? Having fun together might even strengthen your bond and lead your relationship into a much more beautiful place.
Nurture Your Partner
To give your partner more love and care, you can comb their hair, bathe each other, or even give each other some gentle massages. These gestures might seem trivial to some, but giving each other care is a great way to foster some sense of love.
Master the Art of Fingering
When receiving or giving an orgasm, and when it comes to people with vulvas, clitoral stimulation is likely necessary.
You can ask or give your partner some clitoral touches or massages. You can start lightly first, then work your way up as the both of you become more comfortable.
It’s a trial and error thing, so your first time may not be successful, and it’s okay. So, if you’d like some reinforcement or upgrades, you can always count on this adult alarm clock to always save your hands (and dignity) from wearing out.
The Best Positions to Try to Reach the Big O With Your Lesbian Partner
After all the foreplay, and you still find it difficult to orgasm with your partner, you can incorporate these positions to help you reach climax much more easily.
Scissoring
The scissoring position, also known as bumping, might be the most popular position for lesbian couples. You can start making love by interlocking your legs and resting both of your hands behind your back to offer you some balance.
In this position, you can embrace and offer kisses to each other while giving yourselves some manual genital stimulation. You can also masturbate your partner, and let them return the favor.
The Thigh Tide
Great for people who like to hump their pillows.
To do this position, first, you can have one partner lie down on their back while raising one knee upward. Next, one partner can sit on the top of their partner’s body to create a genital contact.
Then, the sitting partner can start to grind. If they want, they can also switch from their current positions or even use love toys to boost the pleasure.
69
A classic. This is a great position of choice for couples if they want to get off, or even squirt, at the same time!
For this last position, you can start by making your partner lie on their back first. Then, you can go on top of them while facing the opposite direction.
You can now place your mouth over their vulva while letting their mouth be positioned over yours. Now, both of you can start performing oral sex on each other, and you can also use your hands to touch their bum, hips, and other erogenous areas.
Are You Ready to Maintain the Heat?
In the end, maintaining that spark in your relationship isn’t all about the grand gestures, perfect techniques, or exciting moments, but everything is all about the relationship that you and your partner nurture every day.
If you want to overcome the infamous “lesbian bed death” myth, then why not embrace honest communication and shared commitment today?
Because by sharing those fun times together, and with some consensual exploring, you both can create a connection that’s truly yours.
Special Thanks To:
- Casey E. Copen, Ph.D, Researcher and Writer, National Health Statistics Reports
- Anjani Chandra, Ph.D, Researcher and Writer, National Health Statistics Reports
- Isaedmarie Febo-Vasquez, M. S., Division of Vital Statistics, Researcher and Writer, National Health Statistics Reports
- Adrienne Santos-Longhurst, Writer, Healthline
- Janet Brito Ph.D., Medical Reviewer, Healthline
- emanekaf00, Reddit User
