Everyone knows what “scissoring” is. It’s become a famous sex act, often referenced in movies and television, and often discussed online.

Simply put, scissoring is a sexual act where two people rub their vulvas together while their legs interlock, like two pairs of scissors coming together blades-first.

Scissoring is one of the most iconic sexual positions or acts, especially in queer culture, and is often a staple of discussing sexual relations between two people with vulvas. It is often associated with cisgender lesbians, and has been touted among them in guides, books, and blogs as a great way for two people with vulvas to please each other and become more intimate. 

Most people know of this sexual position, but probably haven’t given it much thought. After all, if you’re not a person with a vulva with a partner with a vulva, scissoring is completely out of the question. So it doesn’t matter how enjoyable it is, right?

Well, if you and your partner both have penises, there is something you can do that’s just as enjoyable as scissoring, and can be just as important of a way to represent and celebrate queer culture. 

We’re talking, of course, about “frotting.”

Definition

Let’s make sure we’re all on the same page here.

Frotting is a non-penetrative sexual act that involves genital-on-genital contact between two partners, most often between two partners with penises. It can be performed either with or without clothing, and is also commonly referred to as “dry humping” or “rubbing,” coming from the French verb “frotter” and noun “frottage,” which means “rubbing.”

Inclusivity not Exclusivity

Queer culture celebrates and upholds inclusivity: embracing what makes each person unique in a respectful way and bringing groups, identities, preferences, and practices–excluded, marginalized, or othered by heteronormative culture—into the public consciousness in an empowering manner.

What makes frotting an amazing sexual act is that it’s completely inclusive. While it is often celebrated and discussed within the queer and specifically the gay community, it can be enjoyed by people of all gender identities and sexual orientations. 

History

In the April 12th 2005 issue The Advocate, the national gay and lesbian newsmagazine, Todd Henneman discussed frotting in his article “The New Sex Police.”

The article is about prominent men in the gay community of the time who, in response to fears about new strains of HIV and what they perceived to be the rise of unsafe sex, explored alternate methods of having sex that didn’t increase the risk of contracting HIV.

One of the men discussed in the article was Bill Weintraub, who ran the website Man2ManAlliance.org. As the article states, Bill encouraged “gay men to give up anal sex in favor of what he calls ‘frot,’ or frottage–rubbing bodies and genitals together.” 

The article continues to state that “he remained HIV-negative without using condoms throughout his 13-year relationship with an HIV-positive man because they stuck to frottage, Weintraub states. He insists that frottage is ‘hotter,’ because anal sex ‘cannot give you the same experience as direct genital-on-genital sex.’”

It’s easy to see why frottage became such a popular topic in the gay community at the time, when fears of a new strain of HIV were prominent, and gay men were looking for alternatives to penetrative anal sex. 

Frotting never really made it to the same level of public consciousness as scissoring, but its roots in the gay community are important and it can be seen that, within it, frotting was viewed by many as a safer and even more enjoyable alternative to anal sex. 

In recent times, frotting has evolved beyond its roots as a key part in gay activism and measures taken against the spread of HIV, and nowadays it's often discussed without its history coming into play. 

Today, frotting is still a perfectly safe alternative to penetrative sex, especially when performed while wearing clothing. 

Its name also has changed, with most people knowing it as frotting instead of the “frottage” term used by Weintraub in the early 2000s, which came from the French noun for “rubbing.”

Why Frotting is so Good

Now that we’ve gotten the definition and history out of the way, let’s discuss what makes frotting so appealing:

Intimacy

Frotting is one of the most intimate sexual acts that can be performed between two people, especially between two people with penises. 

One of the downsides of anal sex is that it makes eye contact and face-to-face proximity very difficult, but frotting solves that problem because you and your partner can face each other while doing it. This also means that you can kiss each other, which further promotes connection and intimacy. 

Frotting also promotes physical touch and gentleness. It’s a great method to bolster gentleness and small acts of mutual pleasure and, since it doesn’t involve penetration, you can enjoy frotting without worrying about pushing yourself to perform better.

Safety

Like we mentioned previously, frotting is a very safe, non-penetrative sexual act. Even in a time when fear of a new strain of HIV was high among the gay community, gay men still performed frotting and touted it as the safest sexual alternative to anal penetration

Today, frotting remains as safe as ever. It also reduces the risk of STIs (sexually-transmitted illnesses) due to the minimal exchange of bodily fluids. 

The fact that frotting is so safe makes it a great sexual act for people who want to promote safe sex, and also for people with compromised immune systems or other medical conditions that make penetrative sex uncomfortable or unsafe.

Versatility

Frotting can be done while standing or laying down, and can be adapted to many positions and layers of clothing. You can mix and match different settings, situations, and clothing to explore different sensations!

It’s a versatile position that you won’t get bored of.

Pleasure

You might think that because frotting doesn’t involve penetration, it’s not as pleasurable as other sexual positions.

But you’d be wrong! Frotting is actually extremely pleasurable. This is because the shaft of the penis is very sensitive, and responds to even the smallest stimuli. Combine that fact with the fact that most of the penis’s most sensitive nerves are centered on its head, where you’ll likely come into contact with your partner, and you’ll realize why frotting is so popular and why it was actually touted as being better than anal sex back in the day.

Preparations for Frotting

If you’re interested in frotting, it’s important to lay some ground rules first.

Consent and Communication

Frotting is a sex act that involves two people and, like all sex acts that involve two people, it should only be performed if both parties have consented to it. NEVER surprise your partner by engaging in a new sex act without consulting with them first. That’s not a sexy surprise, it’s an invasion of trust and could be a severe invasion of boundaries. 

Remember that, when performing a new sexual act with your partner, you must always explain what it entails, what you plan to do, and how hard or how fast you’ll be moving. You should communicate and establish boundaries, triggers, no-go zones, and anything else that might make your partner uncomfortable. 

Only proceed once you both agree.

Hygiene 

One of the greatest things about frotting is how safe it is. Unlike most sexual acts, it can be done with clothes on. When performed with clothing, frotting is often referred to as “dry humping,” and it’s a very popular way for two people to get intimate pleasure without intercourse and without exchanging bodily fluids. 

However, there are still some things you can do to make it more hygienic. Frotting is best enjoyed when both parties are wearing clean clothing, which could cause rashes or other kinds of irritation.

While engaging in frotting, it’s likely that you’ll orgasm, so be ready to change your clothing afterward if you want to avoid discomfort. 

If you’re not wearing clothing while engaging in frotting, then it’s best to wash your intimate areas both before and after the fact. This will not only ensure a more comfortable experience, but it will help avoid rashes, chafing, and unpleasant smells.

Environment 

Create a safe, comfortable, and comforting environment to enjoy frotting in. You can set pillows out, use comforters or other blankets, and create a sexy mood by lighting candles and putting on music.

Lubrication

Whether you’re frotting with clothes on or fully nudy, lubrication will be your friend. Chafing, tearing, and cuts can happen much more easily on dry skin. So put on some alcohol-free lube and moisturize the area a bit with lotion. You’ll thank us later!

How to Frot?

Basic Frotting Positions

Let’s get to the bottom of things with some fun and exciting frotting positions to try!

Sitting and Frotting

Let’s start things off with something that proves how versatile frotting can be. Instead of standing or lying down, have one partner sit on the bed or other soft surface like a couch, then sit on their lap. Your penises will touch and you can bounce up and down to increase the stimulation!

Full Frontal

Perhaps the most famous frotting position is the full frontal, where two partners lie together, one on top of the other. This is very similar to the missionary position that can be employed in normal penetrative sex, and has many of the same benefits: close contact, ease of access, comfort, and kissing.

The Harp or Scissoring-like 

One partner lies on their side and raises one leg. The other partner kneels. This is similar to the scissoring position, but is actually much more comfortable and easier on the penis and scrotum, as it allows for more control.

Clothed Frotting

Clothed frotting, or dry humping, provides amazing pleasure without the need to get undressed. This is ideal for cleanliness and comfort, as clothing provides cushioning and protection. 

By wearing different kinds of clothing, you can experience different sensations. Frotting while wearing silk pajamas is very different to frotting while wearing jeans, but both can be enjoyable!

Incorporate Toys and Other Objects!

Part of the reason why frotting is so enjoyable is that you don’t need any toys or tools to get started, but that doesn’t mean you can’t add some to make things more interesting. 

By incorporating wearable toys like cock rings and perineum vibrators, you can up your frotting game considerably and make things even more pleasurable.

Safety and Risks

While frotting is one of the safer sex acts, there are still a few things to consider. 

Skin-to-Skin Contact: 

Frotting while undressed involves skin-to-skin contact, which could cause a risk for certain STIs (like herpes or syphilis), though the risk of contracting these is much lesser without penetration.

Consent and Boundaries

Like all sexual acts that involve two people, consent and respecting boundaries should be a top priority. While frotting is a non-penetrative sex act, it is very intimate and it could infringe upon your partner’s boundaries, especially if you’ve never discussed it with them before.

So be sure to talk things through clearly before engaging in frotting with your partner. 

Avoid Extreme Friction

If you have dry or sensitive skin, the friction created by frotting could be a problem. This is especially true if you’re engaging in clothed frotting and wearing materials such as denim, leather, or nylon. 

Friction generates heat, which could cause skin to chafe, dry out, or even suffer a friction burn. While some friction is normal while engaging in frotting, having dry skin from a lack of moisturizing, wearing heavy or harsh clothing, and even living in a dry area can make normal friction much worse.

To avoid friction, you can use lubricant, moisturize sensitive areas, and wear smooth materials if you’re planning on doing some “dry humping” that hopefully won’t be too dry!

Enhancing the Experience

Foreplay

One of the best things about frotting is that it doesn’t have to be the main event of your sexual encounter with your partner! You can incorporate frotting into your normal foreplay, using it as an amazing jumping-off point into intimacy and stimulation.

Adding Toys

By using the right pleasure toys, frotting can be transformed into a much more complex and much more fulfilling experience. You can enhance your sensations with anal vibrators, anal beads, perineum massagers, cock rings, and much, much more!

Clothing Choices 

Spice up the fun by wearing silk, leather, latex, and more! Just be sure to lubricate and moisturize!

Power Dynamics

Frotting is a great sex act to experiment with dominance and submission in a safe and enjoyable way!

Addressing Common Myths

After reading this far, you probably feel like you’ve got a pretty clear grasp on what frotting is, but let’s take the time to dispel some common myths to further enhance your understanding.

Myth: Frotting is only for gay men

Reality: Frotting is inclusive

Like we mentioned previously, frotting has an important place in the history of the gay community. But don’t let that fool you! Frotting isn’t exclusive to gay men, or even to people with penises. 

Frotting can be enjoyed by people of all gender identities and sexual preferences. Two partners can replicate frotting positions regardless of their anatomy, or use toys to get a similar experience!

Myth: Frotting is not as satisfying as penetrative sex

Reality: Frotting can be equally, if not more satisfying

If you’ve ever enjoyed a blowjob or a handjob, you know that penetration isn’t necessary to have a satisfying sexual experience with a partner. 

Like Weintraub mentioned in the The New Sex Police article, frotting can actually be more enjoyable than penetrative sex!

Myth: Frotting is only for beginners or people avoiding penetrative sex

Reality: Frotting is for everyone

Frotting isn’t just for beginners, it can provide rich and fulfilling pleasure to anyone, regardless of level of experience.

FAQ

Let’s go over some Frequently-Asked Questions about frotting!

Can frotting spread HIV?

While frotting could lead to the exchange of bodily fluids in the right circumstances, it is much safer than penetrative sex in that regard. Read the section on History to find out more!

Can frotting cause STDs/STIs?

Frotting could lead to the spread of skin-based STDs like herpes and syphilis. If you’re unsure about your partner’s STD history, it’s always good to ask them to take a test. Alternatively, clothed frotting is one of the safest sex acts, as it doesn’t lead to skin-on-skin contact or exchanging of fluids.

Is there a difference between frottage and frotting?

No. Frottage is simply an outdated term, coming from the French noun for “rubbing.” It was used in the 90s and early 2000s, but now “frotting" is the popular term.

Conclusion

Now you know the basics of frotting, why it rose to prominence, why it’s enjoyable, how to start out exploring it, and some of the risks to watch out for.

Remember, everyone deserves to feel pleasure, and frotting is a great way to broaden your horizons and experience something new with your partner.

But always remember to ask for their consent and to communicate clearly!